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Recently, whether social networking sites are disadvantageous has become a fiercely controversial issue. Some people assert that social networking sites exert a detrimental effect on both individual and society. Personally, I believe that social networking sites, such as Facebook and Instagram cause damage to society, while they contribute to the development of individual's life satisfaction. In the following essay, the evidence supporting this contention will be discussed alongside relevant examples.
On the one hand, it seems difficult to refute the idea that there are a number of advantages to social networking applications to individuals. Perhaps an obvious benefit is that these enable people to contact others regardless of time and places, which leads to maintaining relationships among people. In addition, these make it possible for users to share their posts and stories with others who have a lot in common. To exemplify, people can easily obtain informations that they need by uploading posts with hash-tags on instagram. (이 한 줄로는 설명이 부족합니다. 해시태그를 달아서 인스타에 올리면, 그걸 통해 어떻게 정보를 얻을 수 있는지 0.5~1줄 정도로 추가해주세요!)
On the other hand, even though social networking applications brings with it positives to individuals, these have a multitude of influences on society. The most oft-cited drawback is that people who spend a great amount of time on social networking sites are easy to be addicted to these, which prevents society to be developed well since it generates the government to expend vast sums of money to care about them. As a brief illustration, one recent study conducted by the Seoul National University shows that the government of South Korea allocated about 30 million US dollars to educate teenagers who excessively use social networking sites in 2018. (연구는 일단 다음 시험까지는 써주시고, 시험 이후 싹 뜯어고치는 것으로 하면 될 것 같습니다.) In conclusion, it is undeniable that there are a variety of opinions about this topic. However, after considering this matter in a careful manner, I fully believe that social networking sites are useful to individuals, whereas these do harm to society for the reasons discussed above.
선생님 템플릿을 최대한 배제하고 제가 영작최대한 해봤는데 어색할까요?
사회에는 문제고 개인에게는 이득이다라는 식으로 전개했는데 어색한가요 논리가?ㅠㅠ |