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Working for a company or organization was is the most common way of to employment in the past time. However, it has seen that the changed-trend in work style, such as being self-employed, has been seen these days. There are the causes of this social phenomenon and why this way have some disadvantages.
The prominent cause of the rise of self-employment is increase in living costs such as various taxs in our lives, oil price and so on. Among them, the rapid rising rental costs is the most unbearable aspect for them. Thereby, people realized that they would not be able to afford to purchase a decent house even in decades. As a result, people are increasingly choosing to be self-employed instead of another ways to so that save enough money.
Even though being self-employed is one of the best way to overcome difficulties in other jobs, it has a number of disadvantages for some reasons. First of all, the way is definitely vulnerable to unpredictable variables such as an infectious disease, natural disasters and the weather condition. Countless media around the world have reported that off-line stores are at risk of being shut down due to the aftermath of COVID-19 lately. Furtheromore, a lot of self-employed owners owed a large sum of money in order to maintain their bussiness. Secondly, they should take a lot of responsibilities especially in terms of finance if their bussiness ends in failure. (마지막 두 문장은 순서를 바꿔주셔야 합니다. 물론, 이 과정에서 표현상의 수정도 필요하겠죠.)
In conclusion, as social trend changes, many people nowadays prefer self-employment rather than another employment. However, it is clear that the way is so risky for people to try because the way are easily influenced by variables.
40분 소요 265자
/ Q1. 코로나가 비교적 최근에 유행한 질병인데 에세이에서 직접적으로 언급해도 문제 없을까요? 아무 문제 없습니다.
Q2. body1,2 첫번째 문장에 꼭 자신의 주장과 관련된 main sentance 써야되나요? 그렇게 해주시는 게 좋습니다. 그래야 혼란의 여지를 없앨 수 있어요. 본론에서는 첫 문장이 가장 중요합니다.
Q3. 위 문장과 같이 self-employed와 같은 단어는 페러프레이징 안해도 점수에 영향없을까요? 7.0 필요하시면 최소한으로는 해주셔야 합니다. 단, 틀릴 것 같으면 안 하는 게 낫고요. 어설프게 할 바에는 안 하는 게 낫습니다.
목표점수는 7점이고 접해보지 못한 형식의 문제라 조금 많이 생소하네요 잘 썼는지 모르겠습니다 ㅜㅜㅎㅎ |