> > 2011-04-20 05:31:51, '' 님이 쓰신 글입니다. ↓
■ You should spend about 40 minutes on this task ■ Present a written argument or case to an educated reader no special knowledge of?the?following topic ■ You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant ???evidence ■ You should write at least 250 words | |
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Topic : Schools are no longer necessary, because children can get so much information available through Internet, and they can study just as well at home. What extent do you agree or disagree? | |
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Schools held a massive share in one's entire life. Despite exceptional cases, all most of us spend our time lives at school from 8 to 19 minimum. As the average life expectancy in Korea is around 70, we spend roughly more than 1/7 of our lives in school. The main purpose for schooling is to learn the academic assets for our future careers. However, some argue that schools are no longer necessary, because internet offers corresponding information that could be taught learn at schools. On my point of view is however, totally against the assertion for several reasons. Schools held a massive share in one's entire life: 비유적인 표현을 삼가하시고 더구나 과거형으로 갈 이유도 없겠죠.
There is no doubt that schools have had great effects on people`s entire life. 처럼 시작하세요.
Firstly, children can learn more than just an academic knowledge from schools. Humans are social animal. People need other people to run the modern society, Some under others' subordinates and some as others' superior. Not only academic knowledges, but schools teach this social skills as well, which is very important part of our lives. Sadly, internet can not teach this skill. 1. 동사가 없는 문장은 만들지 마세요. 뉴스 헤드라인이 아니기때문에 완벽한 문장을 쓰세요.
2. 학문적 지식이 사회적 스킬을 가르치는게 아니라 학교가 지식과 사회적스킬을 가르칩니다. .
Although schools can teach not only academic knowledge but also social skill, the internet cannot teach this social skill.
Secondly, schools sometimes offer students a shelter from this cold-blooded world. We are living in the ever technologically advanced world. A research shows that 90 percents of students spend their leisure time on watching in front of TV or PC or other electronic devices in Korea. This concept of school gives students a chance to spend their time with warm-blooded people and encourages people to behave themselves as humans not just bunch of robots.
* 설명하긴 힘들지만 원어민들이 in front of 를 저렇게 잘 안쓰더군요. 은행 앞에, 등 어떤 지점을 자세히 나타낼때 쓰긴 하는데, ' 넌 하루 종일 티비 앞에 있냐?' 를 영작할때도 indulge in 을 쓰는 것 처럼 보시면 됩니다. 한국어 표현을 그대로 가져간 개념으로 보면 될것 같습니다. 물론 '티비 앞에는 강아지 한마리가 있다' 처럼 묘사할경우는 쓰죠. 이해가 되셨을런지요.
In conclusion, there always is is always a side effect of for schools such as bullying, division of winner groups and loser groups and so. In worst cases, losers turn into a psycho killer, the best example can be the case of a loser who became a serial killer in Columbia University in US. However, overall, as humans are social animal, children need to learn the social skills for their future. It makes easier those children grow old enough to adapt themselves into the society and therefore, I believe schools are necessary no matter how the world has been changed.
It makes these children easily grow old enough to ~ / these make it easier for children to grow ~ | |
첫번째 본문이 좀 짧은것 같구요. 마지막 마무리에서 표현들이 썩 마음에 들지는 않습니다. 오류도 있구요.
뭐 다소 재밌긴 했습니다만,
" the best example can be the case of N " 같은게 말이죠.
5.5 예상해 봅니다.
간단하게 보았습니다. 질문 있으시면 남겨주세요.
첨삭 부탁드리고요.
전 비판 좋아합니다, 제 글에 대해 고칠점이 있다면 마음껏 해주세요. (틀린 이유도 적어주시면 고맙겠습니다)
그리고 마지막으로 몇점정도 받을수 있을지도 써 주시면 고맙겠습니다.