Some people believe that it is good to
share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the
academic world.
Others believe that some information is too
important or too valuable to be shared freely.
Discuss both these views and give your own
opinion.
People’s opinions differ as to whether or
not it is great to share important knowledge in scientific research, business
and the academic world. I will discuss the two different ideas and my personal view.
First of all, it is true that some
information is too precious or too vital to be shared freely. This is because they
invested their cost their effort and spent time for their research in order to get
the knowledge. Not only that they think that some information about the company is
secret as necessary. (여기는 어떤 의미로 적어주셨나요? 댓글 주시면 확인하고 수정해드리겠습니다.)
On the other hand, if they did not shard people do not share knowledge
and keep some secret information secret, it will be disappeared, also it cannot argue
that the knowledge is correct. (새로운 내용은 새로운 문장에 적어주세요~문장이 길어지면 문법 오류만 늘어나게 됩니다.) Actually, there are many researchers and experts
in each filed, and they always study about their own research so they will be likely
to develop more advanced information by sharing information amongst them. For instance, there is someone
who had extraordinary heart cancer in China, and if Chinses doctors do not
know how to care and perform surgery about this cancer, it will be a serious situation.
However, if we shared in advance information about this cancer and other
diseases on the Internet form each country, they could should care for their patients. It
is just an example of medical, As this shows, sharing has a positive and vital impact on medical fields, cutting-edge
technology and business as well as art.
To sum up, despite the fact that some information is too precious to be shared despite material into some information
is shared too precious, I believe that sharing valuable information and important
knowledge is a more effective and better way for our life these days.
51분 소요되었어요.. 단어의 부족함이 느껴지네요ㅠㅠㅠㅠ
글자수 맞춘다고 일단 계속 쓰긴 했는 데 B1 아이디어가 부족했어요ㅠㅠ
총평: (5/6/6/5) 5.5
단어의 부족함이라고 말씀해주셨지만, 지금 정도 단어면 6.0은 받고도 남습니다. 그러나 부족한 부분은 문법이고요. 물론 공부를 할 때 단어 암기를 아예 배제할 수는 없지만, 지금은 문법에 훨씬 더 많은 비중을 쏟아서 결론 첫 문장에 지워지고 수정된 부분 같은 문제가 없도록 해주셔야 합니다.
본론1의 경우 군사기밀 등을 예시로 들어주시면 돼요.
수고하셨습니다 :)