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Nowadays, a number of people chose to quit their social lives with leaving towards to the countryside or just staying at home without any social relationship. In this matter, there are a couple of reasons such as stress from social lives and complex communication between people and I confidently insist that choosing to live alone is a wise and bright decision.
Stopping social connection with other people such as colleagues or superiors has been caused by some reasons that social lives give enormous stress because it is followed by overtime working, strict deadlines time and sometimes having to dislike tasks in companies or social communities. It is natural that people generally want to stop and escape from their stressful and hard social living for their well-being related to physical and mental health. In reality, when people have continuous and massive stress from external influences, they are more likely to suffer from diseases such as cardio vascular illness and further more it can risk their lives to death eventually. This is the most critical, therefore, reason of an increasing quantity of people making an decision to stop social relationship leaving to countryside.
For this cause, I definitely argue that it <(what is it?) is the most significant choice for their successful and human lives. This is because it is essential to try to stay in healthy with reducing difficulties that affect health in mentally. There is in nothing a lot more important than our physical health because it is the basis of all other works such as travelling, trying challenges or enjoying hobbies. This all is possible when people stay in mental and physical stability without stress away from societies. <Need better coherence. 예를 들어 예시를 사회에서 벗어남으로 어떻게 더 건강하게 살게 됬는지 또는 어떻게 그게 긍정적으로 영향을 끼쳤는지에 대해 써주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다.> For instance, people can watch news of hard labour workers that they cannot afford to excessive stress <(??)when they lead their social lives, and finally die or lose their health in early ages. Like this, I believe that living alone apart from society is the vital determination for ourselves.
In conclusion, the massive social hardships make people to be disconnected from social lives and I believe that it is a necessary phenomenon to keep our priceless lives with excellent health.
Score: 6.5 Comment: 질문에 대한 답은 좋다고 생각합니다. 다만 전체적으로 글 정리가 더 필요합니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |