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There is a disagreement regarding the issue
of whether environmental problems are very serious issues these days. (여기는 수정해주셔야 합니다. 환경 문제 자체가 심각한 건지는 논의 대상이 아닙니다. 수많은 환경 문제 중 무엇이 가장 중한지가 논쟁의 여부이죠. 이 한 문장으로 인해 TR 에서의 점수 영향도 있으므로 주의해주셔야 해요.) Although
some people believe that the principal environmental problem of our time is the
loss of particular species of flora and fauna, I personally think that there
are more crucial environmental problems like pollution. To begin with, there are some people who
argue that extinction of plants and animals has negative effects on society
because this can destroy the eco-system. In other words, plants and animals play a
vital role in maintaining food chain. If they vanish around the world, some
species suffer serious problems to find food and prey To specify, plants and animals play a vital role in maintaining the food chain. However, if particular species no longer exist, than others would suffer from serious problems in finding food or prey. For example, some
experts have shown that a lot of tigers lived in Korea before 50 years age. However,
many people captured the tigers to obtain food. Since tigers vanished in Korea
region, some animals abruptly grew. Finally, they ate a lot of plants, which led to the disappearance of many plants (enable 은 긍정적, 중립적 문맥에서만 쓰입니다.) enables the regions to vanish many plants. It is clear that this brings about
vicious circle. As a result, it has detrimental effects on society. However, other people say that pollution is
more harmful than extinction of animals and plants. Due to the development of
technology, many factories emit worse toxic gas air and water to make new merchandise
which means that this affects human’s health. For instance, many statistics
have consistently shown that people who live in industrial regions experience
serious illnesses compared to the other areas. (굳이 이 통계를 살리고 싶으시다면 호흡기와 관련된~~과 같은 표현을 넣어주시면 좋습니다. 통계 쓰는 걸 별로 추천드리고 싶지는 않지만요.) In particular, air and water
pollutions have tremendous outcomes for illness of baby’s heart. It is evident
that pollution is directly affected by human’s health. As a result, this is a more vital issues (동, 식물의 멸종과 비교해서~라는 말이 포함되어야 합니다.). In conclusion, both views have strong
points. Although preserving animals and plants is necessary, I personally think
that pollution has very vital issues for people. (이에 대한 근거를 적어주세요~)
질문이 하나 있습니다!! ~에 영향을 미치다라고 할때 affect로만 써도 되나요 아님 be affected by 로 써야 할까요? 항상 감사합니다!!
상황에 따라 다르긴 한데 일반적으로는 전자로만 서술해도 괜찮습니다. 이 글의 문장에서도 affect 만 써도 문제될 건 없고요.
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