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I agree with the statement that tourism is good for not only local communities but also the nation, and thus is should be encouraged (이게 핵심입니다. 얘는 반드시 들어가야 해요.).
First of all, if one region becomes popular, many tourists come around the world and spend their money. Then, the region can make money by doing business targeting them and build some facilities with money they earned. The more convenient to the tour is, the more tourists visit. As the local community grows up, it can affect other regions nearby because some people who have enough time and want to go around the suburb will find closed places to go. So (문장을 and but so로 시작하는 것은 좋지 못합니다.) other regions can attract some tourists by advertising. As a result, some communities nearby as well as the local community can make a profit from tourism.
Secondly, some tourism spots can change the nation’s image and hide bad sides. For example, the Philippines is so dangerous in general and a lot of people are killed day by day because of problems between the government and mafia, while it has many resorts like Cebu. The spots where tourists visit are only a few in the Philippines but they image swimming on the beautiful oceans or scuba-dive going around with colorful fish, not mafia and gun accidents, although gun accidents have is occurred in resort islands like Cebu. After traveling, they will think that the Philippines is not so dangerous rather than being known widely. (이 예시의 내용 자체는 적절했는데, 본론이 너무 예시에만 의존하고 있기 때문에 좋지는 못합니다. 일반적인 근거를 위주로 작성하고, 예시는 덧붙임 정도로 간추려주세요~) Like this, few popular spots can relax the bad image of the country.
In conclusion, tourism is beneficial for the local communities’ growth and development and furthermore, has have a good influence on other nearby communities and their nation. (여기의 경우도 서론과 마찬가지로, 가장 중요한 사항이 빠진 상황입니다.)
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