In the future, nobody will buy printed newspapers or books because they will be able to read everythng they want online without paying.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
There might be contentious debates regarding the issue that nowadays nobody will buy printed matters, for instance instant, newspapers or books, because customers can be read all they want using their smart phone without paying. However, I do not agree with the statement above. This essay will write about some reasons of the important importance of printed materials.
In a myriad of cases, we can fine many advantages of them (문단에 처음 등장하는 대상이 대명사로 쓰여서는 안 됩니다.). Firstly, they have the an most powerful authority rather than others of all media, to give you some example, the online news from electronic devices. People who write a book or make an article in newspaper are usually specialists of their own part. On the internet (인터넷은 고유명사이므로 대문자 시작입니다.), however, anybody can write makes a news without professional knowledge. Secondly, they are familiar with all ages of people, thus even the elderly even the old man, they can read a book or an article easily.
When it comes to printed materials, we can not except this reason: (여기는 의도하신 바에 대해 댓글 한번 주시는데, 아마 accept가 오타난 것 같기도 하네요.) they offer the imagination and the knowledge to our younger ages. In general, the students who read a lot of books and newspapers, especially which is consist of academic news, can get a high score in a exam. On the other hand, the value of books in industry, which a movie industry, is important. In the movie industry, a novel from the printed books is good source of making movies. The masterpiece movies, such as Harry Potter, Lord of the Ring, are based on the original novel. Pondering on aforementioned statements, my insist is quite acceptable. (이 문단은 종이책이 아닌 온라인 책, 예를 들면 해리포터나 반지의 제왕의 온라인 책으로도 가능합니다. 즉, 적절하지 않아요.)
In conclusion, there are many positive reasons of the printed newspaper and books. In this reason, a lot of people still have a tendency of buying these things in the library and book store.
1. 시간 : 38분
2. 목표점수 : 6.0
늘 친절하게 알려주셔서 감사합니다! 문법 기초가 약해서 너무 어렵네요ㅠ 그래도 열심히 공부하고 있으니 응원해주세요!!
(첨삭받은 글 보면 멘붕옵니다ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ)
네 약속의섬님, 제가 학생들을 편애해서는 안 되지만, 저는 약속의섬님처럼 피드백도 잘 주시고 열심히 하는 학생들을 더 좋아합니다. 더 잘 해드리려고 노력하고요. 제가 물심양면 도와드릴테니까 약속의섬님은 최대한 문법을 끌어올리는데 집중해주세요 :)
총평: (5/6/6/6) 6.0
본론2는 다시 써주셔야 합니다. 위에서도 말씀드렸듯이 온라인책과 종이책을 차별화하는 요소가 아니고, 책과 영화 등을 차별화하는 요소이므로 적절하지 않아요.
수고하셨습니다 :)