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5 Some people think it is more important to plant more trees in open areas in towns and cities than provide more housing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
; 일부사람들은 도심에 나무를 많이 심는것이 집을 짓는 것보다 중요하다고 생각한다. 찬/반?
인트로- 일부 사회적 이견있다. 도심에 나무 심는게 좋은지, 집을 짓는게 좋은지.
(내주장) 나무심는것이 낫다 (환경적. 사회적으로 도움이 됨)
찬성1(나무+)- 환경오염이 사회적 문제이다.
다양한 환경문제 있다 (지구 온난화, 미세먼지 등). 오염된 환경을 회복하려면, 나무를 심어야 한다. (해결방법)
찬성2(집 필요없음)- 집은 더이상 필요없다.(충분히 공급되었다)
도심에 집을 더 짓는것은 도심과 시골의 격차 상승을 야기할 것임. 또다른 사회문제 발생.
결론- 의견 많지만, 나무를 더 심는것이 더 중요
These days, there is disagreement concerning the issue of whether planting more trees in open areas in towns and cities or providing more housing. I personally believe that planting more trees is more crucial than building housing in order to resolve current environmental and social problems.
First and foremost, one of the social problems these days is environmental issues. Particularly, air pollution and global warming are critical problems. To tackle these environmental problems, planting many trees can be the best solution to alleviate this serious repercussion. This is due to the fact that there are a number of factors to cause environmental problems such as many cars on the road, buildings and factories in urban areas. Therefore, it is important to enlarge green areas by planting many trees in cities instead of housing, and cut down air pollution.
Moreover, cities or towns do not need more houses, because this society has provided enough housing where numerous people can live in urban areas. In fact, the problem of this society is that young people are moving to big cities from small ones due to getting a job or their study. This social trend can lead to a huge gap of young generations between urban and rural areas. Its difference between them will continue to rise. In this regard, providing more housing in cities can cause additional social problems in the future.
Overall, some people argue that planting more trees in towns or cities is important than providing houses. I personally agree with this opinion because planting trees can solve current environmental problems and cities do not need more houses. (words 268)
작성하고나서보니, 세번째 단락이 나무얘기(비교) 없이 주택 공급 늘리는것의 단점만 서술했는데 혹시 이 부분이 오프 토픽이 될까요?
제 주장의 흐름과 같이, 나무 심는게 더 중요하다! 라는 내용은 누락된 것 같아서요.
늘 꼼꼼한 첨삭 감사드립니다 !! :)