In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn. Discuss both views and give you opinion.
Both views will be discussed, but I think that the former is more persuasive. (이 문장은 앞에서 두 입장이 소개된 상황에서나 사용할 수 있습니다. 지금처럼 첫 문장으로는 절대 불가능이고요.) If the government interferes in setting a wage guideline, our society could be a more equal one. However, when employees receive their salary according to their jobs, positions and result, it encourages their motivation and enthusiasm. In addition, there may be more job opportunities because that as the demand increases, the supply would eventually rise. In conclusion, I opine that the government and companies should try to apply some correct ways which can help the situation.
총평: 이번 글의 경우도 서론이 문제되었다고 생각하시면 되겠습니다. 사실 서론은, 특히 지금과 같이 시간이 촉박한 상황에서는 더더욱 중요성이 떨어지므로 아예 생략하셔도 괜찮아요. 그냥 바로 대비되는 두 입장을 소개해주셔도 무방합니다.
+아이엘츠 논제로 연습하실 경우 discuss both 유형보다는 to what extent 등 다른 걸로 연습하는 걸 추천드립니다.
수고하셨습니다 :)