*Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
The importance
of science and technology Technology has been arose dramatically. The government
makes many policies policy related to science as good way and raises many
scientists to develop the country. So (문장을 and but so로 시작하는 것은 좋지 못합니다.), people think that science subject is
more important than history. Nevertheless, History history is the most important
subject and it should be treated in such a way history should be treated as important subject.
Some people
say that the power(원동력?-> 무방합니다.) of development is Technology. After
inventing the steam engine was invented in Europe, civilization and industrialization has
rose incredibly and science was the main reason for leads to this influence. while For 200 years, human
beings have has made tons of (구어이므로 대체해주시는 게 좋습니다.) achievements compared to the past before generation. These achievements results in better lifestyles. According to this result, it is
obvious for people to consider that science
subject is the most important subject.
However, history
is the basic step of our life and we can learn many things and move forwards.
People realize that every history has things have in common and every event repeats again.
According to that truth, we can avoid mistakes again and this is also included
in science. Many scientists made achievement as per they learned, adopted previous
theory and developed hypothesis in real life. For instance, the Wright brothers
learned many basic theory from da Vinci and were able to become could make first
flyer in 1800s.
In conclusion, history always gives
us wisdom of life and we can move forward through the past. We can think of the
future and we can predict the future from the past. In my opinion, history subject
is not less important than science and technology subject.
총평: (6/7/6/6) 6.5
자잘한 오류들이 조금 많다는 점은 아쉬웠지만, 그래도 큰 틀에서 봤을 때에는 대체로 깔끔하게 흘러갔습니다. 대신 그 자잘한 사항들에 대해서만 조금 주의해주세요! 위에 표시된 문제점들을 반 정도로만 줄일 수 있어도 충분히 좋을 거에요.
수고하셨습니다 :)