Task: The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar graph illustrates the number of men
and women who went for further education in three different periods which are
1970, 1980 and 1990. (풀타임, 파트타임에 대한 설명도 들어가야 합니다.)
Overall, it is clear that the number of
both men and women attending full-time education is significantly lower than
the ones who are attending part-time education. Though the number of men attending
part-time education has fluctuated over 2 decades, rest of the readings,
regardless of gender, are showing a gradual increase.
Looking at the graph more closely, in 1970,
more men were in further education than women. The number of men who were are in
part-time education was reaching up to about a million, which is approximately
200 thousand more than the number of women. This male predominate trend was the same in terms of full-time education with number of 100 thousand men in
full-time education, which is twice as much as the female counterpart the number of women.
Over 20 years’ time, the number of women in further
education skyrocketed, overtaking the number of men in further education. By 1990,
the number of women in part-time education was far more than the men. The number Number of
men in part-time education has decreased to slightly less than 900 thousand, on
the other hand, the number of women in part-time education has reached above a million. In terms of full-time education, the number of women was roughly equal
to the number of men at around 200 thousand.
총평: (7/6/5/6) 6.0
내용의 경우 크게 문제없이 분석을 잘 해주셨습니다. 그러나, 아마 의식하셨겠지만 어휘 쪽은 보완이 필요해요. the number of~~라는 표현이 주구장창 반복되고 있는 상황이므로, 이 표현은 물론 문장 구조 자체도 가급적이면 대체해주세요! (6.5점 이상이 반드시 필요한 경우에만 해당되며, 6.0 이하로만 필요하시면 그냥 무시하셔도 상관 없습니다. 지금 글로도 6.0은 충분히 받고 남아요.)
수고하셨습니다 :)