It is a common belief that it is not necessary to be interested in world events, even if they are unlikely to directly effect on our lives. However, I firmly believe that people should have knowledge of international events. This is because knowledge of events in other countries allow nations to support other countries and even know how to deal with problems that their society will solve.
To begin with,
being interested in overseas events is able to help other citizens of the
world. Society crises, natural disasters and conflicts unfortunately frequent
occur frequently in many places around the world. By paying attention to these events, people
can share resources that assist other citizens when they need them. For example,
in 2008, there were was serious damage due to the earthquake in Sichuan China. However, many
countries reacted to their natural disaster events, and then international
communities helped them to save people faster than if Chinese people were
working alone. Also many international countries donated large amounts of money
to repairs their the Chinese society.
On top of that, being aware of international events leads to better understanding of how to deal with problems in our society. Because many societies face similar problems, it is better solutions that learning other countries how other status succeed and fail can provide people with guideline. (여기는 어떤 의미로 적어주셨나요? 댓글 주시면 확인하고 수정해드리겠습니다.) For example, In Korea, the number of migrant workers have increased for several years. Some of them suffered from poor treatment, while other remained in the country without a visa. After looking at international example from the UK and Germany, which have experienced a similar problem in the past, the Korean government was able to introduce laws to protect their rights and to reduce the number who are illegal immigrants.
To sum up, understanding what is occurring around the world is able to help other people and to provide useful information that can be used to solve problems in our society. For these reasons, it is important to maintain an interested in events occurring in the world.
라이팅 task2 본론쓰기 한글로 작성된 부분 보고 작성한것입니다.
아이디어가 없어서 중간중간 모범답안도 참고하였고, 시간은 체크하지 못했지만, 목표점수는 6.0입니다.
글자수가 너무 많아서 조금 줄이고 싶은데..확인 부탁드리겠습니다.
총평: 지금 논제가 없어서 점수를 못드렸고, 내용상의 피드백도 못드렸습니다. 이번 글의 경우는 논제가 포함된채로 원글을 수정해주시고 댓글 주시면 제가 대략의 점수라도 드릴게요.
모범답안을 얼마나 참고하셨는지는 모르겠지만, 일단 글에 드러나는 영어 실력이 6.0은 물론, 6.5 선에서도 충분히 준수합니다. 현재 빨간 부분이 그렇게 많지 않다는 점이 이를 뒷받침하죠. 어차피 6.0은 그렇게 높은 점수가 아니기 때문에 일단은 부담없이 공부하셔도 될 것으로 보이는데....외부 도움 아예 없이 Aille님께서 혼자 쓰신 글을 봐야 정확한 진단을 할 수 있을 것 같네요.
수고하셨습니다 :)