▶ Your Answer : In recent years, there is an ongoing heated debate on the governmental supports of people's diseases, affecting the lowering of the burden of the sick in the contemporary world. Therefore, people argue what is the most important help, prevention or treatment. I agree that both arguments should equally be supported and I will analyze these controversial issues with some applicable supports. To begin with, on the one hand, the prevention and change of life style toward reducing the number of getting sick have to be necessary with several reasons. As the first, it is definitely an easy and simple way to protect themselves<(who are themselves?) for a short time. To elaborate, only to washing hands before and after going outside and after coming back home will be a far powerful prevention methods which was reported by WHO. Furthermore, many people now are interested in their well-being lives, as the modern society is growing over living standards. Hence, if governments show an advertise about the simple prevention way of diseases like vaccinations to the public, people can figure out what they have to do. Lastly, on an economical level, there are many statistics on the money efficiency of prevention rather than cure of diseases. Be that as it may, my other points is that governments' supports regarding as treatments after becoming ill are also significant. In other words, the governments' financial aids should apply for patients who do not have an ability to pay for their hospital bills. In terms of patients, a number of people are under the financial difficulties because of the high cost of long-term admission and expensive medicines fees, and since patients cannot work due to sickness <(so what? can't stand alone) . In addition, the families of a patient need help including money supports to live and psychological help for possible depression and anxiety. To recapitulate, taking into account both sets of arguments, I am of the belief that supports are needed on both sides. For public equality, the poor patients should be supported and before illness, if governments endeavor more to change the perception to prevent diseases, the number of sick people will dramatically reduce.
Score: 6.5 Comment: 잘 서술 해주셨습니다. 전체적으로 글 정리를 조금 더 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 또한 spelling mistakes에 주의 해주시기를 바랍니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |