In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people.
Why might this be the case?
Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?
It is true that most countries are facing house issues. These days, many people have represented the house as their wealth so that they desire to have their own houses. Moreover, there are plenty of advantages to own a house. Therefore, I am going to consider why this issue has become significant.
Nowadays, people tend to evaluate their property in regard to cars or houses. For this reason, more people are willing to buy a house and delight to show off their wealth through the estate. In addition, having an own house has a lot of benefits, for example, if the house is rented, it needs a requires permission from the landlord to decorate freely but reversely, people could enhance their house whatever they wish for. (내 집인 경우에는~이라는 표현이 들어가야 합니다.) Besides, households with several children might happy to own their house because they do not need to migrate to other places while the children are growing up so they could spend their childhood at the same location and keep intermingling intermingle with friends.
Nevertheless, this phenomenon is not right to be considered crucially. Some people are suffering lack of money so that many counties are addressing for homeless people. It generates the gap between rich and poverty severely. Furthermore, these days numerous people have been moving to other cities or different counties for employment or study. This situation indicates some people are not necessary to have their own house and renting on is virtually advantageous for their lifestyle. (이거는 owning이 부정적인 이유와 아무런 상관이 없습니다. '부정적인' 이유로만 채워주시면 돼요.)
In conclusion, this house matter has become vital for the present society and it has been proven that there are have abundant reasons to own a house but renting one is also a preferable list to be an option. (이것 역시 마찬가지입니다. ~가 부정적이다! 라고만 적어주시면 돼요. 만약에 이거를 '렌트도 하나의 옵션이 될 수 있기 때문에, ~에만 집착하는 것은 부정적이다.' 라고 쓰시면 얘기가 달라지긴 합니다.)
목표점수 : 6.0
총평: (5/7/7/6) 6.5
6.0은 당연히 넘기는 글인데, 후반부에서 내용 문제가 살짝 보였으므로 이에 대해서만 조금 주의해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다.
수고하셨습니다 :)