Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Recently, traditional or religious events have disappeared, losing the popularity. Some people think that the traditional or religious event is not important and do not attend theses festivals to enjoy what they want. Personally, I agree with the view and will present reasons about the opinion.
One reason that supports my view is that individuals are not willing to visit these events since they should spend lots of time on attendance. For example, it takes quite a lot of time for there are time that visitors to look for the festival, reserve and buy for the ticket and entry enter for watching. Meanwhile, if they watch what they want through the Internet, these additional times will decrease significantly. Those who living live in modern societies have higher awareness about time management, which results in low attendance of the festivals and they do not have time to think thinking about the meaning.
Another reason is that lots of people are not interested about events of religion and tradition. This is because the process of these events is fixed and unified as one way. Precisely, people who open and lead religious occasions will be similar mostly during about a few years because the type are based on trust of god and human resources do not change. They maintain the same style sustainally and other people lose interest and do not pay attention on the religious and tradition.
In conclusion, I agree with the opinion/statement 등등 (이거 꼭 체크해주세요!) that individuals have missed the objectives of traditional or religious occasions due to the additional time it takes and unified occasions.
총평: (7/7/7/6) 7.0
이번 글 괜찮았습니다. 문법 쪽 자잘한 사항들이 있는 건 아쉬웠지만, 그래도 다른 부분들이 그럭저럭 좋아서 어찌저찌 7점까지는 맞춰질 수 있을 것으로 보입니다.
단! 이 뒤에는 제가 어떤 말씀을 드릴지 잘 아시겠죠. 여기서 만족해서는 안 되고 제가 강조하는 세 가지에 항상 집중해주셔야 합니다.
수고하셨습니다 :)