Directors and managers of organizations are often
older people. Some people say that it is better for younger people to be
leaders. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
I totally agree with the opinion that it
will give the organizations better results when younger people become for younger people to be leaders. The
followings are the two reasons why I think like what I mentioned.
First, compared with younger people, older
people cannot adapt to an extreme change of circumstances. Organizations such
companies should be able to adjust their plans according to varying trends for
more effective management. Unless the organizations settle for the present condition,
they may fall behind. Older people are usually more conservative than young
people. Today, in the case of companies, it is very significant to be aware of
the trend of customers and reflect their desires as soon as possible. So (문장을 and but so로 시작하는 것은 좋지 못합니다.) young people
are suitable for the position of the leaders.
In addition, it is likely for younger people to
be more progressive and passionate. Old people, in other words, veterans, tend
to remain in (혹은 maintain the) the method that they have made for a long time. Therefore, the
organizations whose leader are the old maybe show less development. By contrast,
if young people become the leaders, they will want to prove their abilities and
try to drive enhancement of the organizations. They will be more passionate
about the growth of the organizations then older people will do. Thus, it is
clear that it is good for the organization to select young people as the
leaders.
In conclusion, I agree to the perspective that young people should be the leaders of the organizations (너무 자주 쓰이고 있으므로 중간중간은 꼭 대체해주세요! 대체제는 충분히 존재하는 편입니다.) because they look trendier and more passionate with the progress of the organizations.
읽어주셔서 감사합니다 :)
총평: (7/7/7/7) 7.0
대체로 깔끔하게 갖춰주신 편입니다. 크게 문제되는 사항은 없었지만, organization 등 일부 표현이 너무 자주 반복되는 것에 대해서만 조금 주의해주세요!
수고하셨습니다 :)