Day 2
The bar graph illustrates how many grams of meat Spanish people had eaten per person a week from the year 2001 to 2011. Overall, the consumption of chicken and pork had risen, and the figure of beef and duck had dropped whereas that of veal and goat had been stable for a decade.
At
first, in 2001, Spanish people ate beef the most among the 6 kinds of meats at
the amount of 700 grams a week, while the consumption while consuming of duck, chicken, pork, veal,
and goat were 500, 450, 300, 100 grams respectively. However, the amount of
consumption of chicken and pork had begun to be larger than those of beef and
duck from 2005. In 2011, chicken became the most consumed meat among the six
kinds of meats as the volume jumped by approximately 400 grams from 500 to slightly
below 900 grams (지금과 같이 여러 수치에 있어 단위를 생략할 때에는, 앞은 생략해도 되지만 뒤는 그대로 두셔야 합니다.). Meanwhile, beef consumption had gone down considerably from 700 to
500 grams for the same period. In addition, regarding goat demand in Spain, it increased
three times in 2005 and then declined again in 2007. (여기도 구체적인 수치를 넣어주시는 게 좋습니다.)
총평: (7/7/7/7) 7.0
다뤄야 할 정보가 조금 많은 편이라 선택과 집중이 조금 어려울 수 있었는데, 그래도 이정도면 잘 분석해주신 편이네요. 빨간 부분이 그렇게 많지는 않을 것을 통해 볼 수 있듯이 어휘+문법의 경우도 깔끔했으며, 특히 문장 구조에 대한 패러프레이징이 어느정도 잘 된 점이 아주 좋았습니다.
수고하셨습니다 :)