It is frequently visible that people People who work as a freelancer, instead of not working for a company or organisation are frequently visible.
We can easily be influenced by media these days, such as the Internet (인터넷은 고유명사입니다. 고로 극히 예외적인 경우를 제외하면 모두 대문자 시작이며, 학생들이 그 예외에 대해서까지 들어갈 필요는 없어요.ㅒ internet, broadcast and movies. Moreover, plenty shapes of people's life are shown in the media. Therefore, compared with the past, people persuade more variety various (이거 학생들이 많이 틀리니까 주의해주세요!) life style lifestyles (다른데에도 이렇게 바꿔주시면 됩니다.) in these days. Freelance job is one of these this life styles. It can not be bother from There is no need to worry about time or location that people work, also people can obtain flexible schedules than others who work in a company.
It is undeniable there are some disadvantages about freelance job. Since freelance workers do not have a stable work place, they do not get paid as much salary as people who work for an organization. Therefore, their income is significantly unstable. In some months they can be really flourished but other months without work or not enough money for living, they have to manage to survive within limited budget.
Freelance job also can influence your own life style, it can easily cause breaking your body rhythm. (2인칭은 따로 쓰지 않는다고 보시면 됩니다.) The perfect example of this would be one of my friends, Jason, who works as a self- employed music producer., I can often see that he works overnight. He is always suffering suffered from inefficient sleeping hours and downtime for his own relaxing. Like Jason, it is not that hard to find a freelancer who has proper work and personal life balance.
In conclusion, I am convinced that this type of jobs which appeared recently definitely has some disadvantage side, like a economical problem and unbalance life style. (여기의 경우 사람들이 ~하는 이유는 XXX이며, ~의 단점은 YYY가 있다. 의 형식으로 고쳐서 댓글로 검사 받으세요!)
시간 45분
목표 6-6.5
글자수 254
감사합니다 선생님 !!
총평: (6/6/7/5) 6.0
글 자체만 보면 간신히 6.0에 진입하겠는데(제가 최대한 너그럽게 매긴 것도 있습니다.), 시간이 오버되었음 고려하면 5.5의 가능성도 어느정도 감수하셔야 합니다. 현재 글은 평소보다도 문법에서의 오류가 많은 편이었으므로 주의해주시고, 제가 모든 학생들에게 강조하듯이 글을 쓰는 것과 별개로 문법 공부는 꾸준히 해주셔야 합니다.
결론은 댓글로 검사 받으세요~
수고하셨습니다 :)
+지금처럼 논제가 두 개의 질문을 묻고 있는 경우, 각각의 질문에 대한 답을 하나의 본론에 넣어주시면 됩니다. 고로 서-질1-질2-결의 4문단만 만드시면 돼요.