Many companies sponsor sports as a way of advertising themselves. Some people think this is good for the world of sport, while others think it is negative. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
There is a disagreement regarding the issue of sponsoring sports. Some people believe it is an opportunity that boosts athletic ability through the sponsor while others assert that it brings negative effects and it (참고로 여기 it은 생략 가능합니다. 반면에 저 앞의 it은 반드시 들어가야 하고요.) would be meaningless. In this essay, I will consider both opinions and suggest my own idea.
First and foremost,
sponsor from companies would be helpful to sport players. There are many sport
players who are very talented, but sometimes players give up and quit sports for the
reason of financial problems. However, if large firms sponsor the world of sports,
the institution of sports would be able to provide better facilities to players and players would do not have to worry about the financial issue and are able to focus on their
sports. In addition, this is a chance to promote companies if they sponsor
sports. Usually, there is a company’s name on the players’ uniforms, so the audience
might have an interest in companies.
On the other hand,
there would be negative effects on the world of sports. (기업이 스폰서를 했을 때~라고 적어주시면 됩니다.) If a company sponsors an
amount of money for sport institution, they would feel secured because they do
not have worry about financial matters, so it could be loose up and players
might not practice hard and neglected. Moreover, the way of using money could
make an argument between with employees in sports institutions and players.
In conclusion,
there are merits and drawbacks by a company sponsoring sports. Nevertheless, I strongly
believe that companies' sponsors have great effects on the world of sport,
including players. If a company enables sponsor for sport teams, it would be
positive in diverse ways.
262자
목표 : 6~6.5
감사합니다!!
질문이 한가지 있습니다. 문제에서 스포츠 세계에 좋은 점 나쁜 점이라고 하면 스포츠 세계에 대해서만 언급해야하나요..? 전 스폰서하는 회사쪽도 좋을 것이다 라는 의견을 좀 썼는데, 이러면 오프토픽이 될까요..?
-> 100% 오프토픽까지는 아니지만, TR에서 1점 정도의 감점은 감안하셔야 할 겁니다. 참고로 이거 관해서 팁을 하나 드리겠습니다.
~를 써도(해도/넣어도) 되나? ->>> 쓰시면(하시면/넣으시면) 안 됩니다.
~를 써야(해야/넣어야) 되나? ->>> 쓰셔야(하셔야/넣으셔야) 합니다.
여기의 경우 회사쪽이 좋을 것이다를 '넣어도 되나?' 가 되겠죠. 위에 대입해보면, 넣어서는 안 된다는 결론을 도출할 수 있습니다.
총평: (6/7/7/6) 6.5
다시금 느끼는 거지만 April님은 발전 많이 하셨습니다. 6.5는 100% 장담 못해도, 어버버하는 일만 없으면 6.0은 100% 보장되니까 부담없이 지금처럼 해왔던 정도만 계속 해주세요!
수고하셨습니다 :)