The line graph gives information concerning demographics of India and China between 2000 and 2050. Overall, it is noticeable that population in India would show a constant growth throughout the period while the Chinese population is expected to decrease gradually after 2030.
One of the first things to
note is that population in India was lower than that population in China at the
beginning of the period. These figures were 1.0 billion and approximately 1.25
billion, respectively. In addition, it is notable that both of countries’
population has increased at about the same rate until 2020, but population in
China showed more abrupt change than India. By 2020, Chinese population has
recorded about 1.41 billion, and the figure of Indian population was around
1.32 billion (단위는 절대로 생략하는 일이 없다고 보시면 됩니다.).
After 2020, there are
several interesting predictions of population in both countries. Firstly, 2030
marks the first time that the number of Indians will be the same as Chinese
population. Both of these figures are expected to be 1.43 billion. From then on,
Indian population would go beyond population of China. Indian population is
likely to increase constantly while Chinese population would decline steadily. By
the end of the period, it is predicted that Indian population would record a
value of 1.59 billion, and Chinese population would record 1.4 billion.
211
1. 6.5가 목표입니다!
2. 211 자 이구요. 20분정도 소요 되었습니다.
-> 급 생각나서 말씀드리는 건데, 20분 내에 검토까지 다 하시는 거 맞죠? 검토 안 하셔도 6.5는 무조건 받으시긴 하지만, 그래도 7.0까지 노려보기 위해서, 가급적이면 60분 이내에 작성은 물론 검토까지 안정적으로 맞춰주시면 좋습니다 :)
3. 10월 10일날 꼭 졸업하겠습니다 ㅎ
총평: (7/7/6/6) 6.5
내용은 잘 갖춰주셨는데, 이에 비해 문장 구조나 단어 등은 다소 제한적입니다. 참고로 단어의 반복을 대체하는 방법으로는 동의어 활용 말고도 대명사나 생략 등이 있습니다. 제가 마지막 문단 첫 문장에서 해드린 게 생략의 예시이고요. 양산님 실력이면 충분히 소화하실 수 있을 거니까 한번 해보세요!
수고하셨습니다 :)