▶ Your Answer :
Inhabitants have choices where to live for
their lives, and more and more people may decide to live in an apartment than in a
house. Although there are many advantages of living in an apartment, some
people are likely to live in a house as they consider house had more benefits
than an apartment for some reasons. <(글쓴이의 주장 보다는 some people의 주장 처럼 들립니다)
On the one hand, today a great number of
individuals generally prefer to live in apartments generally. The first reason is that a
social life is more enjoyable than living in houses. An illustration of this is,
if people had an appointment or wanted to eating out with their friends, as there
are many restaurants, cinemas and cafés in city centre, they easily get to reach the
destination as they are living in apartments of the centre. Therefore, nowadays
many people choose to live in an apartment as living in a house requires some
times to get to the city centre to meet someone. Another one is that if people
lived in an apartment, they can access amenities such as to the gym and pool for free as tenants inside of the
apartment. Those who live in houses would have to get a membership to access a gym or pool which also may be far from their home. The facilities are only for the tenants who live in the building, so the
tenants have free pass to come in to do exercise unlike people who live in
houses, because they need to pay for a membership to use certain gyms around their surroundings suburbs. <(아파트에 사는 장점 보다는 주택에 사는 단점에 focus를 해주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다)
However/Nonetheless On the other hand, living in a house brings
much more advantages for tenants than drawbacks. Firstly, houses are good for
growing children and pets, hence children can play with their friends at
backyards and parents can monitor them how they playing safely through the wide
glass door. As a result, living in a house is surely safer than an apartment,
especially for children. Secondly, living in a house is really environmentally friendly. This is because means the level of air pollution is less than city centre. Therefore,
people who live in houses they are less exposed to the air pollution than
living in apartments. Last thing is that people usually have good relationships
with neighborhoods. <(elaborate)
In conclusion, I believe that living in
houses has more benefits than apartments as we can raise grow the children safely and
it is eco-friendly to live.
Score: 6.5 Comment: 잘 서술 해주셨습니다. 전체적으로 글 정리를 조금 더 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. Silly mistakes가 꽤 있으십니다. 수고 하셨습니다.
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