▶ Your Answer :
Learning
a foreign language is becoming an essential tool to survive in this competitive
globalised society. In order to master the foreign language, some children may
learn even from pre-kindergarten. However, in my perspective, it can cause
several drawbacks and will be harmful to children.
Learning
another language has a definite benefit for the career potentials. A
multilingual ability has a competitive edge over others to be employed get the employment
in this globalized competitive world.
Some
people claims that multilingual ability boosts brain power so that it enables
children to do multitasking., because by using more than one language at a time,
the brain enables to recognize different languages and uses it according to the
situation. <(한 문단으로 하나의 sub topic으로 정리를 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 2개의 문장들을 따로 structure해서 써주시는 것은 organize가 잘 안되어 보입니다)
In
contrast, teaching and learning another language can harm young children
psychologically, so that this diminishes all the benefits listed above.
Firstly, in order to master the foreign languages, the school must hire
qualified teacher with including the justice, ethics and good morals. However, it might
be difficult to hire a teacher with all that qualifications, and the qualified
teachers may not have the talent to teach kids. Second, multitasking ability
actually drops the concentration levels and the actual quality of work could be
declined. The multitasking ability may cause children’s brain to be hyper and
that can result in Concentration Deficit Disorder (CDD) and Attention Deficit
Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Further to this, children may have the cultural
discrepancies. Since they are learning about numerous multi cultures at an early age at
the same time, this can confuse their identity when they grow up.
In
conclusion, learning a foreign language at an early age can bring employment
opportunities and multitasking abilities. However, these advantages are
diminished by practical difficulties having for schools and children.
Score: 6.5 Comment: 잘 서술 해주셨습니다. Structure에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 또한 단점 때문에 학교를 시작하자 마자 다른 언어를 배우는게 좋지 않다고 생각하신다고 mention을 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 그 외에는 글 안에 있는 수정이나 코멘트를 봐주시면 될 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |