■ Direction· Task 1
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. Write at least 150 words.

· Task 2
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

 In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by international fast foods. This is having a negative effect on both families and societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is a growing trend whereby international fast foods brands are replacing traditional food restaurants around the world. Certain concerned citizens believe that this phenomenon brings negative effects to everyone. I strongly believe that it can bring severe negative consequences both on families and societies because eating these food (다시 한 번 정확하게 지칭 대상을 써주시면 좋을 것 같아요.) can cause many countries to become more obese than ever before and these people will lose the merits that traditional food can give them.  

Undoubtedly, a lot of people love to eat fast food. On account of the busy lifestyle, people rely on fast food items rather than preparing traditional foods at home. Therefore, the number of fast food shops is growing every day. As a consequence, many people are becoming overweight which leads to life-threatening diseases. This is because fast food are generally high in calories and unhealthy is in many ways. In other words, fast food items have little hygiene (=unhygienic 등의 형용사로 표현해주시는 것이 좋습니다.) and contain high in sodium and fat, which cause unhealthy weight gain. As a result, these overweight people will be more prone to health risks such as cardiac diseases and diabetes which later could be life-threatening.

Moreover, preparing and eating traditional dishes together as a family can be an excellent bonding activity.(문장을 이렇게 써주시는 것보다는, international fast food를 더 많이 섭취함으로써 지금 써주신 이러한 전통 음식의 장점을 사람들이 포기하게 된다, 는 식의 부정적 뉘앙스로 표현해주시는 것이 좋겠습니다.) Parents might first take their children to the supermarket to buy the ingredients and guide them on how to use those ingredients to make delicious dishes. This activity is great for parents to express their love to their children and form an excellent bond between parents and the children. However, an increasing number of the more fast-food restaurants are built along with busy lifestyles, more parents choose to order or stop by the international fast-food restaurants for their children, which means they both lose their special bonding time.

All in all, fast food replacing traditional food has a negative impacts on both families and society. Therefore, society and the country have to come together and encourage people to eat healthy by enjoying their cultural food at home.

Comment ▼

전반적인 영작 실력은 좋으신 편인 것 같은데, 문단 구성 측면에서 살짝 아쉬움이 남습니다.

서론에서 agree/disagree에 대한 본인의 입장을 정확히 표현해주신 후,

본론1에서 근거1

본론2에서 근거2

그리고 결론

이런 식으로 써주시면 좋습니다. 각 본론 문단에서는 첫 번째 문장에 문단 전체를 포괄할 수 있는 핵심 내용을 담은 문장이 나와 줄 수 있도록 써주시는 것이 좋아요! 예컨대, 지금 써주신 본론1에서의 첫 문장은 "fast food를 즐기는 것은 사람들의 건강을 해치기 때문에 나쁘다" 는 내용이, 그리고 본론2에서의 첫 문장은 "fast food를 즐기는 것은 가족간의 family bonding time을 줄이므로 나쁘다" 는 식의 내용이 정확하게! 나타나야 한다는 것입니다.

수고하셨습니다 :)