Q. Some people believe that developments in the field of artificial intelligence will have a positive impact on our lives in the near future. Others, by contrast, are worried that we are not prepared for a world in which computers are more intelligent than humans. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.
Essentially it is true that the growth of artificial intelligence technology does have an effect on our lives, not only in the positive side but also a negative one. Personally I can understand the two opposing points of view but I concur with the view (바로 앞에 있는 표현이므로 웬만하면 대체해주시는 게 좋습니다.) being positive effects in the long run.
There are several good views to develop effects in the development of the intelligence of technology like the reduction of human's mistake or the increase in work process speed. Machines are clearly able to do many jobs better than humans can. According to the U.S. government, the car accident rate in several States had decreased by 30% after approving the policy of the auto drive. It shows that new technology development can improve safety by reducing the likelihood of human errors. Also, some technological developments support to expedite the work process when factors produce things. The companies that are capable of rapidly producing in real time can succeed today.
Because of this phenomenon, however, people concerns that there will be a decline in the number of jobs. It is likely that the computer becomes so intelligent that they begin to make a decision without human oversight and we will see a rise in unemployment in various industries which are replaced by machines or software programs. In the long run, however, people will find a way to be flexible and resilient by dealing with these problems and create new jobs from there. (얘는 결론에서 own opinion을 다룰 때 적어주시면 됩니다. 이 문단에서는 철저히 단점 관련 사항만 다뤄주세요~)
In conclusion, while (doublehan님 정도 실력이면 이런 오류가 나서는 안 됩니다.) the intelligent machine will no doubt improve our quality of life in many ways, and the benefits of this trend would outweigh the drawbacks.
총평: (7/6/7/7) 7.0
큼지막한 오류 없이 잘 적어주신 편인 건 맞는데 대신 자잘한 사항들은 조금 아쉬웠네요. 특히 저 while같은 경우에는 주의해주세요!
그리고 discuss both 유형을 다룰 때에는, 두 본론에서는 철저히 객관적으로 양쪽 입장을 소개한 다음에, 파란색 문장 같은 건 결론에서 내 의견과 함께 다뤄주시면 됩니다.
수고하셨습니다 :)