안녕하세요, 첨삭 부탁드려요.
목표는 7점이고 12월 중으로 시험 볼 예정입니다.
298자에 41분 걸렸습니다, 시간 조절을 이번엔 잘 못했네요ㅠㅠ
감사합니다. 즐거운 추석 연휴 되세요!
Nowadays we We can see similar types of buildings a lot in the street. The buildings are renovated and are replaced to similar designs for several reasons. It includes that how they are used and how old they are. Urban areas around the world are becoming more and more similar because they are civilized.
There are a couple of reasons that they (문단에 처음 등장하는 대상을 대명사로 작성해서는 안 됩니다.) look alike. First, people’s lifestyles are becoming similar. A standard citizens’ lifestyles are lifestyle involves working on weekdays and resting on the weekend. The buildings are being evolved to meet their lifestyles. For example, company buildings usually consist of many offices on each floors, lobbies on first floor and other facilities. (이 내용이 어떤 식으로 lifestyle과 관련있는지 전혀 파악이 안 되네요.)
In addition, an increase of franchises affects to the similarity of the buildings. The franshises pursue to have same designs everywhere in the world to let their customers realize them. For example, Starbucks which is the biggest coffee shop chain around the world has green or black colored designed banners every their stores.
There are a few benefits for buildings become similar. Strangers who visit a certain city are able to realize buildings’ purposes. They can guess the functions of the buildings even they visit the cities for the first time.
On the other hand, the buildings would lose their distinct characters. They reflect culture of the cities and some architectures represnt the city. Numourous tourists visit these landmarks to see the cities’ traditions and cultures which are represented from those buildings. If they lose lost their own characters, they would become normal cities.
The buildings have been reflecting reflected the cities that they are built in, as well as and peoples’ culture and tradition. Preserving the cultures and traditions are one of the most important values in these days. Because, because many cities lost theirs. I insist that it is a bad thing to establish that establishing buildings similarily.
총평: (6/6/6/7) 6.5
이번 글은 평소보다 많이 아쉬웠네요. 채점관에 따라 6.0까지도 내려갈 겁니다.
일단 문단은 네 개만 나와야합니다. 2-3번은 하나로 합쳐주시고, 4-5번도 하나로 합치시면 돼요. task2에서는 이유불문 그냥 4문단만 쓰시면 되니까, 3개, 5개 혹은 6개가 나왔다면 뭔가 잘못됐구나 생각하시면 됩니다.
또한 초록색은 전혀 설명이 되지 않는 상황이므로 다시 한번 확인해보세요!
수고하셨습니다 :)