In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? |
Nowadays, many people are getting weight so that their health and fitness are getting worse. It can cause different kinds of illnesses. Therefore, we need to solve these problems. This essay will present and there are some causes and solutions.
First of all, fast food or junk food has been consumed largely after the development of many industries many industry development. Many people, particularly teenagers and workers, can get them easily so they tend to consume these foods in order to save time get there for saving time. Although these kinds of food taste good, it contains lots of oil and fat. It could make people obtain weight. Secondly, I think people do not have enough time for exercise. It is hard to work out or do running before they go to work. Some people can say that there are is enough time after work, but there is the third reason in this opinion. Modern companies make employees work hard over their duty. This happening is exhausting people.
Nonetheless, there are some solutions for this circumstance. Governments will be able to encourage people through advertisements about healthy food and emphasise the reasons for having healthy food. The neighbourhood community centres can provide free exercise programmes. Governments also should recommend that companies to should promise certain work time to employees. Although it is difficult to make people lost lose weight directly, encouraging can help people to recognise the problem. (이 마지막 문장은 전혀 필요하지 않습니다. 차라리 정부가 어떤 식으로 제한을 걸어야 할지 등에 대해 적어주세요~)
In conclusion, it is clear that increasing weight threatened people's health but there are solutions for problems. (여기는 링크를 넣어드리겠습니다.)
총평: (6/6/6/6) 6.0
내용상으로는 결론을 제외하고 그럭저럭 괜찮게 갖춰주셨습니다. 원인-해결 유형에서는 원인과 해결책을 100% 대응시키는 것이 가장 중요한데, 이러한 관점에서 봤을 때 깔끔하게 대응이 되었네요. 대신 결론 관련해서는 밑의 링크를 참고해서 수정해주세요~
수고하셨습니다 :)
https://www.gohackers.com/?c=ielts/ielts_info2/ielts_story&p=2&type=url&uid=469232