The bar graph compares
the number of internet Internet (인터넷은 고유명사이므로, 대문자 시작입니다. 밑에도 다 바꿔주세요!) users in three nations and the average number across the
world from 1998 and 2013.
Overall, it is
clear the number of people who use the internet of all groups increased constantly
during the given period. Especially, they nearly doubled their the figures were nearly doubled (이런데에서 능동은 쓰지 않습니다.) in 2003.
Looking at the
graph more closely, Canada had the highest number of internet users at the
first while internet users in Denmark were second with just over 20000 (20,000이라고 적어주셔야 합니다. 네 자리가 넘어가는 경우에는 쉼표를 잘 넣어주세요!).
However, at the year 2003, Denmark’s figure overtook that for Canada and it remained
as the largest group over the whole period. There also was a considerable
increase in Greece also. In 1998, Greece had the lowest figure but it shot up in 2003, reaching around 60000 at the end of the period. Whereas (밑에서 말씀드리겠습니다.), the world
average showed a relatively slow rise; it’s its number was only half of what Greece
was in 2013.
[31분 / 151 단어]
마지막 문장에서 whereas는 접속사여서 저렇게 쓰면 안 된다는 걸 다 쓰고 난 후에야 사전 찾아보고 알았네요. compared to the others, the world average showed ~라고 하면 맞을까요?
네 스티치님, 저렇게 쓰시면 안 됩니다. 바꾸신대로 쓰셔도 되고, 아니면 ~~end of the period, whereas the world average showed a relatively slow rise~~라고 가시는 것도 괜찮습니다.
task 1은 항상 시간이 오버되서 걱정이네요ㅠㅠ 항상 첨삭 감사합니다! :)
31분이면 너무 많이 오버된 거긴 합니다ㅠㅠ
총평; (6/6/7/6) 6.5
글 자체에 문제는 크게 없었지만, 시간에는 신경써주셔야 합니다. 지금은 너무 오래 걸렸기 때문에, 훨씬 줄여주셔야 해요. 한번에 20분까지 줄이겠다는 생각보다는 2~3분씩 천천히 줄이겠다는 목표를 갖고 작성해보세요!
수고하셨습니다 :)