Some people claim that the media has a negative influence on contemporary society. They think that there is very little tolerance for new ideas because of its impact. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
It is a true fact that media has a lot of effects on human’s life because it is easy for people access media in various ways such as television, radio and smartphone. Some people believe that spending too much time with media can interrupts people to develop tolerance for new ideas. However, there is a more persuasive idea that media is helpful for people to accept new ideas and understand diversity.
To begin with, media is a very useful method because it helps people to develop tolerance for new ideas. This is because media is playing a vital role to help people to accept unfamiliar or strange views. For example, in Korea, people had have less information about LGBT: homosexual, transgender and so on in the past. However, people can gain have gained information about this since many media contents deal with LGBT nowadays. It makes people to understand about LGBT and learn equality. Thus, it is clear that media is helpful for people to improve tolerance.
One of that, as people gain access to media, they can learn about diversity. It is a common belief that people around the world are able to understand cultures and customs from every different country by watching televisions and movies, listening to music and so on. For example, there are so many foreign celebrities that work in the Korean broadcast systems nowadays, so the public can obtain various culture information without visiting other countries. Thus, it is clear that media is useful for people to expand varied cultural background information and embrace other cultures and customs. (파란색 문장들의 경우, 내용 전개에 실질적으로 기여하지는 않습니다. 그냥 앞에서 했던 말을 정리해주는 역할이기 때문이죠. 이걸 쓰지 말라는 말씀은 절대 아닌데, 이걸 쓰기 이전에 먼저 이 문장들 앞에 오는 본론에 대한 보완을 더 우선시해주셔야 해요.)
In conclusion, it is evident that media helps people to embrace new perspective by dealing with new social ideas. Thus, I believe that media has many positive effects on society today.
총평: (6/7/6/7) 6.5
문법 어휘에서 그렇게 많이 틀리지는 않은 점이 긍정적이며, 이것만으로도 6.5 정도는 괜찮을 거에요. 그 점수대에서는 그냥 무조건 덜 틀리는 학생이 유리하기 때문이죠.
그러나 7점 이상의 경우는 내용도 어느정도는 신경써주셔야 합니다. 위에 말씀드렸듯이 현재 두 본론은 실질적으로 각각 하나의 문장이 없다고 봐야하기 때문에, 이를 제외하고 다른 내용을 더 늘려주세요!
수고하셨습니다 :)