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The effectiveness of the installation of public sports facilities is a questionable. Some people claim that the installation of public sports facilities is not effective, whereas others believe that, the installation can be the reminder for encouraging exercises. In my perspective, the public sport facilities are the only way to encourage people to do exercise. By Increasing the number of sport facilities does not guarantee for the improvement of public health. Unless they <(who are they?) are self-motivated, they would not use public sport facilities. For example, I did not use the facilities despite having a membership. Since majority of people want to see the results in a short term, people would not do exercise, which shows the results in a long term. Since a fewer people will use those facilities, the installation of public sport facilities is not effective. <(other measures에 대해서도 서술을 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다)
However, installing the public facilities around the residential areas is better than non-installation. By constantly looking at the facility, it recognizes that residents need to exercise. According to my personal experience, whenever I see the public facilities, I use it. This would apply to other people too. If the public sports facilities are located near by the residential areas, it will be easier for people to do exercise since it is convenient. In particular, Especially people who desire to do exercise but cannot go to the gym, such as the elders and working class people, will get the most benefits from the installation of these facilities. Elders and the working class people would benefit from be beneficial for the installation of public sport facilities, because both are having a difficulty to use of gym facilities. The weak body of elders will make it be difficult to use of the gym equipment, whereas working people have difficulty to use the gym facilities since their working hours are during is gym operating hours <(무슨 말을 전달하고자 하는지 잘 모르겠습니다. 내용이 많이 repetitive하게 들리기도 합니다). Although a few people use the public sport facilities, the existence of those facilities are better than nothing. If there are facilities around their area, they can use it whenever they can remember. The installation of the public sport facilities is beneficial for the old people. Thus, it is recommended to be installed.
Score: 5.5 Comment: 전체적으로 clarity/coherence/cohesion에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 또한 글쓴이의 예시가 조금 contradicting 합니다. 멤버십이 있지만 헬스장 사용을 안했다 라고 해주셨는데 다음 문단에서는 기억이 날때 마다 헬스장을 다녔다 라고 해주셨습니다. 문법상 단어형태와 표현에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 그 외에는 주로 글 안에 있는 코멘트나 수정을 봐주시면 될 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다.
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