▶ Your Answer : I certainly do not agree with the opinion that the rising price of petrol can prevent traffic problems in our city or secure environment by reducing pollutions. My opinion is grounded on the basic limit of the petrol price increase as a remedy and the other options present which are not only effective but also realistic.
First of all, the imagination of curing traffic and pollution problems by increasing oil price is predicting that, if the government or realting<(??) authority imposes an additional charge to petrol, its consumption will be downsized. However, it is totally wrong. The reason that many citizens are using petrol is not because of they are love/prefer petrol as a power resource but because of (they we cannot find another option)/there are no other options. <Need better coherence> Without suggesting a proper substitute energy source, the naive prediction, <(what naive prediction?) only relying on a simple economic rule of price effect will not secure our roads and airs.
Secondly, the increased price of petrol can be interpreted into raising taxes to ordinary citizens. As I mentioned right before, ordinary people do not have another choice but to use petrol when they are moving or using electricity generated by petrol based power plant. Thus, in the a current situation that we can define as a forced petrol using society, rising price of petrol is not for curing problems, but just an excuse for another taxation for the government that is doing nothing.
Putting aside the an unrealistic measure given, I would like to suggest proper measures for the traffic and the pollution respectively. For traffic, applying special admission fees for private cars to city centres will ease the traffic problem in the central area. This solution is already adjusted by Seoul city in Korea at 'Namsan tunnel' and they found that it was effective on solving the traffic problems in the city. In terms of pollution, even though it is hard, there is no other way but to create new energy sources which is nature friendly like wind or water. By investing our efforts to develop new technologies and to improve effectiveness of nature friendly power generating system, we can save our environment.
In conclusion, additional charges for petrol as a solution to traffic and environmental problem has a clear limitation from its basic <(basic what?), and we can imagine and find a possible effective measures represented by the admission fee and a new technology.
Score: 6.5 Comment: 잘 서술 해주셨습니다. 글 정리를 조금 더 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 또한 두 번째 문단과 세 번째 문단은 한 문단으로 summarize를 해주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다. 문법상 스펠링에 너무 많이 틀리시고 계십니다. 주의 해주시기를 바랍니다. 표현중에 Admission fees가 아니라 toll fees를 말하고 싶으신 것 같습니다. 그 외에는 글 안에 있는 수정이나 코멘트를 봐주시면 될 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |