▶ Your Answer :
In recent years, the more power of advertisement has had an effect on decisions people make when they purchase something, even though they do not have to buy it. I also support that people are extremely exposed to advertisements designed by companies. I will highlight the reasons why I agree in this essay.
To begin with, basically people tend to choose goods that they are familiar with because they would like to avoid any risks while spending their own money. Regarding to this tendency, it is observed that as the media continue to develop and expand a range of areas they reach <(little unclear), people living in modern society are exposed to commercial adverts every day by the media, such as TV, big screens on the building and transportations. By watching the same advertisement/commercial one repeatedly, unconsciously people unconsciously have adjusted with the product, which leads costumers to pick up <(pick up what?) . Also, one of the strongest effectiveness for adverts is evoking people’s not only people's attention but also curiosity. So, people are likely to try newly product to determine whether it is the same as like on the advertisement. Thus, these days adverting plays a principal role in a consumer life. <(topic sentence에서는 사람들을 익숙한 물건을 사게 된다 라고 하셨는데 마지막에는 새로운 물건을 시험 삼아 산다 고 하셨기 때문에 내용이 조금 contradicting하게 들립니다)
Moreover, there are maniple<(??) futures on advertisements that highly attract customers. It is a well-known facts that most corporations promote their products through commercial films which top celebrities come out/feature in because it is the most effective method in terms of marketing. According to a statistics researched among most enterprises in South Korea, a multitude of respondents reported advertisement as a main decision deciding factor in purchase. In addition, they added saying that especially when there is a top celebrity in the advert, it is more likely to provide trust in the goods. Therefore, people living in a modern world cannot avoid being affected by commercial films.
In conclusion, some people do not realize how much they are influenced by advertisements, but unconsciously they make a decision on purchase.
Score: 6.5 Comment: 잘 서술 해주셨습니다. 글 정리를 조금 더 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 문법상 시제/어순/표현/plurality에 틀리시고 계십니다. 수고 하셨습니다.
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