▶ Your Answer : Fierce competition in education has been a heated issue since the last quarter of the century. In this regard, a question is raised that children struggle to concentrate or pay attention to school. Reasons and solutions of this phenomenon will be illustrated in this essay.
Reasons associated with the difficulty of concentration in school can be anticipated. <Need better coherence> Primarily, different level of each student is common because some students have already studied at an academy institution, whereas others have not. This surely increases the disparity of grade and this in turn decreases the interest of the lesson. Moreover, with technical development, severe addiction of smart phones is prevalent. Most children bring their own phone. This consequently disturbs studying, although parents think it is useful. In facts, millions of educational studies have reported that the main cause of falling grade is known as playing games during the class. <(what games?)
Solutions to address the above reasons, however, can be suggested. Importantly, separate classes by level should be carried out. <(what level?) For example, good grade children with high grades take an intensive course, whereas others take a less difficult class. This obviously raises interests of study and this in turn enhances a level of concentration. In addition, parents should strictly control the excessive usage of smart phones which can trigger severe addiction. Indeed, it is well known that having smart phones from an early age has a number of side effects.
To recapitulate, reasons are different level of each student and addiction of smart phone. Also, solutions to address the problem are separate class by level and control of using smart phones.
Score: 6.5 Comment: 잘 서술 해주셨습니다. Specificity/coherence에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다.
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