▶ Your Answer :
There are two ways to travel; travel with by a
tour guide or travel alone. There are advantages and disadvantages to travel with a tour guide. Since traveling alone gives is giving more personal time and
flexibility, I think it is a better way than travelling with a tour guide. Some
might claim that traveling with a tour guide will give convenience and safety,
which I believe it is not a big deal. This essay will discuss the advantages of
travelling alone and discuss the disadvantages of travelling in a group. <(coherence에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다)
There are so many much restrictions to travel
with a tour guide. Being within a group with a tour guide limits the private time.
All the travel schedules and the travel times are depending on the tour guide's
schedule. For example, when some people want to visit the Colosseum, if that places
are is not included in the tour guide's schedule, they have to see it from the next
travel. <Need cohesion/coherence> Travelling with a tour guide removes the choice of individuals.
Although a majority of people want to stay longer at the famous attractions such
as the leaning tower of Pisa, they cannot stay longer than the fixed scheduled time
made by the tour guide. Therefore, travelling alone will give more private time
and flexibility.
Also, travelling alone will give more
memorable memories in spite of difficulties in getting to the destination. Once
the travelers gained experiences, the next time will be easier to do the
similar task. For example, when the traveler had experienced the difficulty in
finding the route from the airport to the hotel, it will be easier to find the
same route for the next visit. This means that, the traveler had remembered
the specific routes to the destination and that is memorable.
In contrast, some people prefer to travel
with a tour guide for its convenience and safety. All the relevant services are
managed by the tour guide such as daily schedules, hotel booking, car rental
etc, so individuals just require following the set route by a tour guide. It is
very convenient because individuals have saved the time and effort to manage
the whole travelling schedule. Furthermore, travelling with a group is safer
from becoming a target of criminals. <(꼭 필요한 문단은 아닙니다. 이미 글쓴이는 statement에 disagree를 해주셨고 그에 대해 서술을 해주셨기 때문에 반대 의견을 써주실 필요는 없습니다. 꼭 가이드와 같이 여행 하는 것에 대한 장점을 써주고 싶으시다면 두 번째 문단에 짧게 서술을 해주실 수 있습니다.)
In conclusion, even though, travelling
with a tour guide is convenient because it saves the time with planning the
travel schedules, there will be lesser private time and flexibility. All the
decisions have to be dependent upon the tour guide's schedule so that will
restrict the individuals' movement. Therefore, I believe that traveling alone is a
better way than with a tour guide.
Score: 6.5 Comment: 잘 서술 해주셨습니다. 다만 spelling과 단어 형태에 조금 더 주의를 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 그 외에는 글 안에 있는 코멘트를 봐주시면 될 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |