The pie chart illustrates the four key elements that causes land degradation and the table gives information about how North America, Europe, and Oceania in the 1990s were influenced by these four major reasons.
(여기에 마지막 문단을 올려주시면 됩니다.)
(이 위치에 첫 번째 표의 내용을 넣어주시면 됩니다.)
Europe was the most damaged region by land degradation compared to other two regions. 23% of whole europe’s agricultural land was degraded in 1990. 9.8% is because of deforestation. It also suffered from over-cultivation (7.7%) and over-grazing(5.5%). On contrast, the major reason for less productiveness of Oceania’s land in 1990 was over-grazing by 11.3%. Only 1.7% in this area was because of deforestation. (여기서 엔터를 따로 치지는 않습니다.)
The least damaged region is North America, as only 5% of the whole land that produce agricultural resources became less productive. The main reason for this is over- cultivation (3.3%).
Overall, it is evident that the region suffered the most from degradation is Europe, compared to other two regions and the main reason was over-cultivation and over-grazing. (1. 첫 번째 표에 대한 요약도 해주시고, 위치는 서론 밑으로 옮겨주시면 돼요.)
총평: 일단 제일 중요한 '영어' 는 잘 해주셨습니다. 그것만으로도 대부분의 점수는 벌어가실 거에요. 대신 표가 액박이라서 제가 내용상 깊게 봐드리지는 못했는데, 표를 수정해주시고 댓글 주세요! 현재 높은 확률로 내용상 보완이 필요한 부분이 있습니다. 아마 밑의 안녕하세요님이랑 같은 분이신 것 같은데, 표 수정 후 댓글 주시고, 다음에는 아이디를 통일해서 올려주세요!
수고하셨습니다 :)