At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.
Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?
Although many countries in the world are facing problem that the ratio of the elderly is increasing in their population, in some countries there are more young adults than the elderly. I think that this population structure has more advantages than disadvantages.
As for disadvantages first, the country where the ratio of young adults are high tend(tends가 맞네요ㅠㅠ) to have less national wealth than the country where the one of the elderly is high.(As for disadvantages first, in terms of budget of government taxes will be collected less from citizens who are young adults than who are older generations.) This is because the elderly is apt to have more economic assets. The old generation has accumulated the assets that they have collected since they were young. Moreover, they tend not to spend much money on buying something(이건 뺴도 되겠네요). For the reason that they have affluent assets, the government is able to require them to pay high taxes. Therefore the government could have budgets more from older generations who have enough money than young generations.
However, if the society has high proportion of young adults, it(the economy of society라고 하는게 더 자연스러운 것 같네요) will be active and dynamic. The young adults can work more efficiently than older people. They could make much more economic productivity than older generations.In addition their salary tends to be lower than older generation so the companies could save their budget and get more productive results. In addition(전문장에서 쓴 표현을 또 써벼렸네요) the spending pattern of this generation is active so they spend much money than older people. This means that the flow and circulation of money inside the society could be more active, which leads to better economic effect to society.
The two kinds of societies have their own merits, however, I think there is much more potential in the society with more young adults. Of course, having rich citizens in the society will be beneficial for the budget of the government. However, their left life span is not long long and they are not willing to work hard. The important thing for the society in long term view is to make the economy of the society active and dynamic. High productivity and active spending habit could make some changes to the economy of society and as a result something that we cannot even imagine could happen continuously.
제가 쓴걸 다시 타이핑 해보니 논리적으로 안 맞는 부분이 너무 많이 보이네요ㅜ 개요 잡을때부터 좀 깔끔하지 않다는 생각이 들었는데..다시 제대로 써보고싶네요ㅠㅠ.
개요 잡을때 글을 어떻게 쓸 건지 명확히 구조가 안 잡힐때는 개요를 생각하는 데 시간을 더 투자하는 게 나을까요 아니면 일단 서론부터라도 써보는 쪽이 나을까요ㅠㅠ
시간 : 45분
목표 : 6.5
항상 감사합니다.