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The bar chart below shows the estimated
sales of jeans for two companies next year in Turkey. The pie chart shows the
projected market share of the two companies in jeans at the end of next year. Summarise the information by selecting and
reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
Estimated sales of jeans next year in Turkey
Projected market share
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The given bar chart illustrates the expected sales amounts of jeans in the next year, which will be produced by two clothing enterprises in Turkey. The supplied pie chart depicts the end of next year’s anticipated market share in Turkey. By and large, as to the bar chart shows the increasing sales trend of both companies except When it comes to the column chart, Jack & Jones Co.’s prospective sales will start 450,000 pairs (이처럼 단위는 싹 다 붙여주시면 됩니다.) and Mango Co.’s one will be one-third of that of Jack & Jones Co. in the beginning. However, both figures are projected to drop from 450,000 to 250,000 and by 50,000 to 100,000 respectively in February. During the first quarter, both firms’ sales are forecast to grow and Jack & Jones Co.’s sales figure is expected to be 350,000 and that of the other firm will jump to 200,000 in May. In the third quarter, the demands of Mango Co. is estimated to overtake the other company’s (참고로 지금처럼 항목이 두 개인 경우에는 counterpart라는 표현도 사용 가능합니다.) due to its steepest growth between June and July, However, after escalating to 500,000 in August, the sales figure of Mango Co. is foreseen to slow whereas Jack & Jones Co.’s prospect soar to 600,000 in September thereafter the sluggish growing in summer season. Although both companies are expected to go up in the end, while Mango Co.’s sales will jump up by 100,000 from 500,000, that of Jack & Jones Co. will surge by 200,000 which will be 300,000 pairs as high as that of Mango Co. A similar trend in the bar chart is mirrored in the pie chart. In the end of the next year, the segment of Jack & Jones Co. is the exact half, 50% and Mango Co.’s will take 20% points less than that of Jack & Jones Co. Other retail enterprises are expected to share the leftover 20%. (이 문단은 매우 좋습니다.) |
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Grammar |
Vocabulary |
Cohesion and Coherence |
Task Response |
8/9.0 |
8/9.0 |
8/9.0 |
7/9.0 |
말씀해 주신대로, 세번째 문단을 줄이는 걸 더 고민해 봐야 할 것 같습니다.
역시나 시간이 많이 부족했습니다.
감사합니다.
총평: 이번 글도 평소처럼 잘 써주시긴 했는데, 대신 위에 말씀해주신대로 세 번째 문단을 확실히 지금 대비 훨씬 간추려주셔야 합니다. 그래야 시간도 넉넉해지며, 검토도 가능하기 때문이죠. 그리고 애초에 논제에서 요구하는 것은 나열이 아니라 요약이기도 합니다.
수고하셨습니다 :)