▶ Your Answer :
Nowadays, travelling is considered as the
best way to blow out the stress or escape from ordinary life. Hence, more
people are travelling than ever before. Especially, technology development has
accelerated travelling for anyone with more convenience. convenient. Because people may use
their own device, such as a laptop and a smart phone, to make a book for a flight
or hotel without any hassle. Also, due to technology development, language obstacle
has been lowered in some way. For example, no matter where you are, you can
access the Web anywhere with your laptop to translate one language into the language
you want for ordering food in a foreign country and have conversation to share
your story with local people. Even a smart phone can be used for finding a way
for your destination which was the most costly in travelling expenses in old
days. Additionally, there is such a huge benefits that can be taken during travelling. One of the biggest benefit is that people may extend their
knowledge through meet people who have been grown with different culture and
language. Although However, expenditure is one of the main concerns for travelling
because without spending, travelling may not be possible or brings hard time
instead of excitement to people who have a limited budget to spend for their
activities. 여행이 증가하는 이유에 대한 글이므로 밑줄 친 문장은 논점에 맞지 않습니다. Overall, traveling can bring brings valuable things to us and sometimes
it presents unforgettable memory which will be your most valuable asset in
future. For that reason, the number of people who wish to travel is keep growing
day by day.
IELTS 1-9 score scale score: 5 modest user
한 편의 글이 될 수 있도록 서론/본론/결론을 갖춘 글로 정돈해주세요. 글 전체가 한 문단으로 되어 있기 때문에 완성된 답안이라 보기 어렵습니다. 여행이 증가하는 이유에 대한 글이므로 여행에서의 문제점을 지적하는 것과 같은 논점에 어긋난 내용은 제거하고, '왜' 여행이 증가한다고 보는지에 대한 내용을 각각 main idea로 해서 본론을 나눠보시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 결론에서 내용을 갈무리할 때에도 본론의 내용을 정리해서 일관성을 유지해주세요. 수고 많으셨습니다. ^^ |