The charts illustrate factors of happiness, which were distinguished by age.
Overall, only 2 causes of both groups were identical (이건 되게 모호한 표현입니다. 수치가 같다는 건지, 아니면 표 내에서의 상대적인 순번이 같다는 건지 등, 이것만으로는 전혀 파악할 수 없어요.) and other sectors excluding other factors were different.
Firstly, the two groups which consisted of under 30 years old people and over 30's the highest rate in the two~~~~ was work achievement, which was 31% and 32% respectively. Also, doing hobbies was shown to be the second-highest proportion of each group(22% for the younger group and24% for the older group).
On the other hand, the third and fourth largest rates were different. To have a good appearance belonged to the people under 30, as the third biggest percent(18%), but the third that of the older group was financial security that was recorded 20%. Then 15% of the younger people said that travelling made them happy the most preferred travelling, However, the people who were over 30 tended to spend their time with family(14%) while 14% of the over 30 year olds responded that spending time with family was the thing that made them most happy (이런 식의 패러프레이징이 될 수 있어야 합니다. 또한, 애초에 저 지워진 부분은 표가 보여주는 사항과도 의미가 달라요.). Then, the rest of the causes were other factors, which were 14% and 10% each.
글자수: 153자
시간: 21분
초반에 차트를 잘못 해석해서 지웠다가 쓰느라고 시간이 초과해버렸네요ㅜㅠㅠ
그리고 어제자 참사난 태스크1은 내일 다시 쓰도록 하겠습니다!
항상 감사합니다!
총평: (6/7/6/6) 6.5
task1이 어려운 이유는 파란색 문장과 같이 패러프레이징하려다가 의미가 완전히 달라지는 경우가 있기 때문입니다. 사실 6.0 정도만 필요하시면 패러프레이징을 안 하면 되기 때문에 크게 신경쓸 필요가 없지만, 그 이상의 점수에서는 패러프레이징이 필수이고요.
이거는 많이 쓰고 틀려보면서 감을 잡고, 문법+모범답안 분석을 통해 극복할 수 밖에 없는 사항이니까 천천히 보고 접근하세요~
수고하셨습니다 :)