It is argued whether parents need to inject the vaccine which can prevent a number of diseases for children by the law or not. Personally, as the diseases have been threatening a lot of kids and babies so far, I think it should be a mandatory system.
First of all, there is an authority that the country must protect its citizens' property as well as their health. Then the vaccine is of use to avert getting to get various kinds of ills. For example, the flu seems just a common and light disease, but it can lead to a loss of be lost the life of children and some debilitated people. The government, so, thus should implement a system that young people have to be injected the vaccine in order to for conserving people's health. Therefore, complying with the law to preserve citizens' health, the country should make a law regarding the vaccine.
In addition, if it (문단에 처음 등장하는 대상이 대명사로 쓰여서는 안 됩니다.) is not mandatory, it may be more expensive. Then a lot of people who undergo poverty might be hard to get the vaccine because they would purchase some food instead of it. Also, it is able to connect with the epidemic, so the government should prevent the disease to be contagious and spread by the law and system with regard to the vaccine. It is not only for poor people but also for all citizens in the country.
To summarise, all people have the right that is to be protected their property including health by their country. Then Otherwise (둘은 의미가 전혀 다릅니다.), some people who go through poverty are likely to decline to inject the vaccine, and it has a possibility to be infections. Therefore, the government must make a system to prevent the disease by a vaccine for the people mandatorily.
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결론이 항상 되게 길다고 생각하는데 괜찮은걸까요?
두 본론과 결론의 비율이 거의 비슷하다고 생각해가지고요ㅠㅠ
결론이 길다기보다는 본론2가 짧은 걸로 보시면 됩니다. 결론과 본론1은 크게 문제 없고요.
항상 감사합니다!
Anybody can behave and anywhere we can get the materials to write. (이것만 댓글 주시면 될 것 같습니다. 뭔가 살짝 꼬인듯 싶네요.)
Anybody can have a conversation through writing, and we can get the meterials such as pen and paper anywhere.
이걸 표현하고싶었어요!! 감사합니다!!
->철자만 빼면 수정된 문장은 괜찮습니다 :)
총평: (7/6/7/6) 6.5
크~~게 문제가 있는 건 아니었습니다. 이번 글은 자잘한 사항만 봐주시면 될 것 같아요. 오늘자 세트는 task1에서 참사가 났지, 이번 글은 괜찮았습니다.
수고하셨습니다 :)