Many working people get
little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and
have health problems as a result.
Why do many working people not get enough exercise?
What can be done about this problem?
According to WHO,
the quarter of the world’s population is obese and the lack of exercise has
been pointed out as this issue’s main cause through many studies. Besides,
other health problems such as muscle ageing or heart disease caused by a lack
of exercise are increasing gradually. Via media, many people already
acknowledged the importance of exercise, however, this issue is a difficult
trend to solve. In this essay, I will explain why people suffer the lack of
exercise and come up with a solution that I personally (안 들어가도 아무 문제는 없습니다.) think is right.
Today, people have
various ways on how to spend their free time created by technological advances
than in the past. In the past, there were few choices of indoor activities such
as reading books or watching TV. In contrast, today’s entertainments from
electronic devices are much more of a stimulation (혹은 of a 없이 stimulating) than physical activity and are
playable for anytime and anywhere. Besides, the latest careers such as a YouTuber Youtuber
or programmer, are making people spend a lot of time at home because they
require high skills to handle a high computer skill. Lastly, this era is requiring
tougher competition than before. To win the competition with others, many
workers are learning new knowledge such as foreign languages after their work
instead of exercise. In conclusion, people are choosing to stay away from
working out due to these factors.
The first step to
encourage working out is creating awareness about the risk of physical
inactivity for individuals. To this, the government and society should carry
out various physical activity campaigns or social meetings. As an individual, it
is necessary to keep in mind the saying that to lose your health is to lose all
of yourself. In other words, it is more important to take care of your current
health than the benefits such as promotion or rewards in front of you. (기본적으로 2인칭은 구어의 성격이 강하기 때문에 따로 쓰지 않는다고 보시면 됩니다. 프토레님 실력이면 알아서 2인칭 없이 문장을 구성하실 수 있을 거라 따로 건드리지는 않았습니다.) Therefore, it is important to encourage and keep in mind the individual’s
interest in exercise.
원래는 이번년도 말에 한국에 귀국하여, 시험 보려고 했는데... 그 놈의 코로나 때문에 한국 입국이 불가능해졌네요 ㅜㅜ
당분간 선생님께 신세 좀 더 지겠습니다. ㅜㅜ
그리고 컴퓨터로는 어떻게든 시간을 맞추겠는데 역시 손은 느려서 당분간은 이전에 채점 해주신 주제를 바탕으로 손으로 쓰는 연습 좀 해야겠습니다.
언제나 도와주셔서 정말 감사합니다. 선생님 ^^ 좋은 하루 되시기를...
네, 프토레님. 졸업한 학생들 중에서도 막상 점수는 따놓고 입학 허가도 받았는데 코로나 때문에 못나가는 경우가 많았는데ㅠㅠ코로나가 정말 원망스럽네요...
프토레님의 경우 1년간 실력을 많이 늘려주셨기 때문에 제가 시간 지키는 거 말고는 별다른 요구사항은 넣지 않아도 될 것 같습니다. 제너럴 치르시는 거니까 task1에서 발목 잡힐 일도 없고, 그냥 감만 잃지 않고 시간만 잘 맞춰주시면 점수는 알아서 잘 받으실 거에요!
프토레님도 건강 조심하시고 좋은 하루가 되길 바라겠습니다 :)
총평:
글은 크게 문제 없었는데, 결론이 빠진 상황이라 점수는 일단 빼놨습니다. 결론만 잘 쓰였으면 7.0 정도는 충분히 받았을 거고요. 결론만 따로 적어서 댓글로 검사 받으세요!
수고하셨습니다 :)