Your Answer ▼ It is true that advances in technology have led the cars to driven by computers, instead of people. (지금 그러고 있다는 것이 아니라, 미래에 그럴 것으로 예측된다라고 적어주셔야 해요. 그래야 논제를 정확히 반영할 수 있습니다. 지금과 같은 사소한 차이도 TR 에 생각보다 큰 영향을 주므로 주의해주세요.) I believe that this advances in part of the cars is a positive development. This is because it will make people's lives more comfortable. There are some reasons why scientists believe that cars will be driven by computers. The principle reason is because of the development of autonomous skills. To exemplify, we can control the home appliances at outside of our houses because of autonomous skills. (여기의 경우 1인칭이 사용되지 않도록 문장을 수정해보세요~혹시 어떻게 하는지 모르시겠으면 댓글 주시면 확인하고 수정해드리겠습니다.) It made people's lives more convenient and efficient. Moreover, the other reason another reason is because traffic congestions are becoming serious problems, recently. (여기의 중간 단계가 너무 생략되었습니다. 만약에 인공지능이 운전을 하게 될 경우 교통 체증이 어떻게 해결될 수 있는지 등,) 더 구체적인 설명을 해주세요.) This is the reason why scientists are trying to introduce the autonomous skills to the driving. Therefore, it (문단에 처음 등장하는 대상은 대명사로 서술해서는 안 됩니다.) will make human life more better than before. There are two reasons why I believe that it is a positive development. First of all, self-driving cars can help people who are not affordable to drive driving, such as kids or elderly people. If it is introduced to people, parents don't would not (줄임말을 사용해서는 안 됩니다.) have to pick up their kids to and from school, anymore. Moreover, the burden of elderly people can be reduced, because they can use the car. Thanks to this self-driving skills, they don't (여기도 마찬가지이고요.)need to use canes when they walk. In addition, it also can reduce the traffic congestions, which is the most big problem, today. This is because self-driving is based on computer's data. It can know the traffic situations while driving, and can judge the fastest route, automatically. (여기의 경우 본론 첫 번째 문단과 겹치죠. 그러므로 둘 중 하나는 대체해주셔야 하는데, 일반적으로 본론 첫 문단 쪽을 대체하는 게 자연스럽습니다. '교통체증이 심하기 때문에' 인공지능이 운전을 할 것이라고 생각된다보다는 '인공지능이 운전을 함으로써 교통체증이 완화될 것이다' 라고 하는 게 더 자연스럽죠.) To sum up, I believe that the self-driving system is a positive development. It will be introduced to people as soon as possible because of the autonomous skill's development and serious traffic congestions. |