Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poor nations in such areas.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Advancements in health, education, and trade are vital to develop for the poor countries. Whereas, the rich countries governments have to get more responsibility to aid the poor countries in such areas. I believe that developed countries have to bring responsibility for assisting the poor countries. This is because they were improved thank to sacrifice of the now developing countries.
On the one hand, imposing only the rich countries the responsibility of helping about the poor countries can occur another discrimination. For the nations growth, requires a lot of help. However, if only a small number of countries are required that enormous aid’s responsibility, they never bear it as it is also difficult things to them, and they may insist that this phenomenon can discrimination about them. Rather, this scheme can cause the another problem like it.
Nevertheless, I support the argument that developed countries must give a opportunity developing countries to grow like them. In fact now most of developed countries have a history of destruction and domination in another countries, and modern developing countries were almost destructed and dominated by that past richer countries. In brief, the developing countries grew by many sacrifice of now developing countries. Therefore, they must bring the responsibility of helping about the poorer countries, and it can be realized that giving a chance to develop.
To conclude, Although imposing the extra responsibility to only developed countries might cause a discrimination, It is reasonable result to provide the opportunity of improvement for other developing countries, and it also can be a penalty about the richer countries’ past shamed history.
7.0 목표로 하고 있습니다. ( 늘 그렇듯이 냉철한 평가 부탁드리겠습니다! )
+ 또한 질문이 있는데요. 지금 다니는 아이엘츠 학원 선생님께서는 WRITING TASK 1, 2 에서는 ' I ', ' You ' 이런 워딩은 감점요인이 될 수 있으므로 안하는 게 좋다고 하셨는데, 몇몇 잘 쓰시는 분들의 글에서도 종종 보이는게 I believed, I agree 더라구요. 정말로 I, You 같은 1인칭 2인칭 발언은 하면 아예 안되는건가요? 아니면 인정을 해주는 건가요?
++ 또한 한번 패러프라이징 한 단어들 같은 경우 ( 예를 들어 poorer nations => developing countries ) 후자로 계속 밀고 가야한다고도 말씀 하셨거든요. 근데 전에 이클립스 선생님께서는 여러 단어를 사용할 줄 아는것도 중요하다고 하셔서, 계속 단어를 여러가지를 쓰려고 하고 있긴 합니다만, 이것도 걸려서 질문 드립니다. 혹시 패러프라이징을 한 것을 유지를 안하면 감점 요인인가요?