The tendency for news reports in the media to focus on problems and emergencies rather than on positive developments. Some people think it is harmful to the individual and to society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
It is true that the news these days are full of bad events news and emergency situations than the positive sides (news 가 세 번 쓰일 이유는 전혀 없습니다. 특히 7점 이상을 목표로하시니까, 이런 동의어 대체도 꼭 해주세요~) news of the city. Some people worry about this phenomenon which can be harmful to society. Since both arguments have a reasonable statement, I partly agree with both statements (기본적으로 글을 작성할 때에는, 논제를 전혀 접하지 못한 사람이 내 글을 읽더라도 완벽하게 이해할 수 있게 작성해주셔야합니다. 그런데 지금 그러한 사람이 이 글을 읽으면, both statements 가 뭔지 전혀 파악할 수 없게 됩니다. 앞에는 하나만 나와있으니까요. 이러한 CC에도 주의해주세요!)
On the one hand, the news focusing on tragedic events can cause groundless fear towards society. If the news about terrorisms and wars are continually featured in the news, citizens are more likely to assume the society is not safe. Moreover, thinking about their own society is not safe can lead to more additional problems. Such as making up rumours about the government and the whole society, rumours can spread fast and might cause consequences. Besides this problem, it has problem with the media itself too, the media will try to make the news more provocative to focus attention from the public, which relates to their companies’ profit.
Nevertheless, even though it has downsides, still media focusing more on problems and emergencies than other delightful news can be also beneficial in many ways. Firstly, this type of news can alert and prevent similar situations to the public. Most of the people are with media through different formats, so through the media, people can get the news in a short time. When the emergency breaks out, people can notice it and prepare themselves in the situations. Through the informative news, it can bring up citizens’ awareness.
To sum up, it is clear that the news reports focusing mostly on the negative sides of society are likely to giving too much fear about society, but the news still can alarm the public in the emergency situation. Since, it has both beneficial and detrimental aspects, one has to consider wisely while they are exposed to media.
총평: (7/6/6/7) 6.5
글 전반적으로 어휘의 사용폭이 매우 제한적입니다. 특히 본론 첫 번째 문단은 동일 단어가 근접해서 사용되는 등 되게 단조롭기 때문에, 꼭 다양한 표현을 사용해주셔야해요. 제가 일부러 그대로 두었으니까 꼭 동의어를 다 찾아봐서 사용 후 암기해주세요~7점 이상을 위해서는 이런 귀찮은 작업도 다 하면서 단어를 자유자재로 다룰 수 있도록 해주셔야합니다. (물론, 단어 사용이 제한적이더라도 제갈공명처럼 명필이어서 논리 전개가 눈물날정도로 깔끔하면 내용으로 점수를 벌어갈 수 있습니다. 그러나 저는 5만개 넘는 글을 보면서 아직까지 그런 수험생을 한 번도 본 적이 없습니다. 단어 공부가 훨씬 쉬우니까 이쪽에 집중해주세요!) 수고하셨습니다 :)