▶ Your Answer : It is of great worth to discuss which should a teacher teach students self-confidence or definite knowledge. while some people might agree with this statement, other might disagree with it. As far as I am concerned, I believe that the former argument is justifiable in terms of motivating students and making positive attitude for them. First of all, the confidence is one of the most motivating things. This is mainly because the students who are confident are more likely to behave actively. (이것도 좋은데 예시 들어가기전에 설명이 더 있었다면 더 좋았을 거 같아요) For example, when I was elementary school, I was a very timid student. But, the teacher always complimented me whatever I did. And I am able to do many things, having confidence. Without the teacher's compliment to enhance my confidence, I could not have changed my passive behavior. This indicates that making confidence for students is best method to motivate them to learn. In addition, making confidence for students enables the student having positive thinking about themselves. This is mainly because confidence is related with self-esteem. According to a survey conducted by Korean infant incorporation, more a child has confidence, more he has good image of themselves. This figure means that confidence and self-esteem is very related factors of one person. And, it also enabled the students to solve the problem that they would encounter. This indicates that health confidence caused having high self-esteem of students. To summary, I strongly agree that teacher trying to making the students have high self-confidence because of method of motivating or making good self-esteem.
우선 주장이나 이에 대한 예시는 상황에 맞게 잘 작성해주었습니다. 다만 본인만의 reason은 거의 없고 대부분이 예시와 survey로 채운 거 같아 내용 측면에선 너무 아쉬워보입니다. 예시도 좋은데, 자신만의 supporting detail이 굳건하게 먼저 쓰여지도록 해주세요 essay structure도 아주 좋은데, conclusion에서 설명을 조금 더 해줬으면 더 좋았을 거 같아요 |