■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic : people whose rooms are organized and neat are more likely to be successful than those whose rooms are not |
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▶ Your Answer :
Undoubtedly, private place plays a significant role in people's
daily lives in many places, where they both work and play. Some people might
argue that people whose rooms are organized and neat are more likely to be
successful than those whose rooms are not, whereas others would not agree. Both
sides may have their own reasons for their ideas. If I were asked to choose
one, I would say that having organized and neat rooms is the key element to
success in life. There are several reasons and examples for my choice.
Above
all, when people keep their rooms organized and neat, they can cultivate
important qualities needed for success. Keeping one's room neat requires them
to be diligent, passionate, and self-disciplined. When these personal traits
are well developed, it is likely to bring a better result in life. For example,
my youngest brother did poorly in school. He often skipped classes, and failed
math and science. He was selfish, lazy and passive in class, so he rarely
cleaned his room, and his room was always messy. He was easily distracted,
procrastinated and acted on impulse. However, he changed after he started to
organize his room every day. In fact, our mom asked him to clean and keep his
room neat every day. He realized that his diligence helped him keep his room
neat, while his laziness negatively affected it. Thanks to his diligence, he
started to maintain good behavior by raising his grades. He showed
characteristics of a better ability to delay gratification, a longer attention
span, a stronger passion in his tasks. He excelled throughout high school, and
received straight A's in his classes. Without keeping his room neat, he would
most likely have fallen behind.
Moreover, a neat room provides people a peaceful place where they can
relax and recharge their batteries. When people are recharged, they are likely
to have more energy to put in working and being active. This helps them to
improve their work performance. For instance, when my sister was in high
school, she often felt depressed, thinking that her life had become an
exhausting routine. To survive in a competitive world, she spent all day
studying academic subjects, hoping that she could outdo others. Although she
made constant effort, it was not easy because all people around her were
working as hard as she was. Fortunately, she was able to deal with such stress
and pressure by organizing her room. She was able to relax in her neat room by
reading books and doing meditation every day. Her organized room enables her to
relax in a peaceful atmosphere and to recharge her batteries. Thanks to her
neat room, she was able to refocus on her work, and started to raise her
grades. If she had not have organized room, she would not have been able to
improve her academic performance.
All
in all, I strongly believe that the advantages of having a neat room far outweigh
its disadvantages for the reasons I mentioned above. In this regard, the
importance of keeping organized rooms cannot be overestimated in pursuit of
success in life.
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1. 철자 오류가 잦은 편입니다. 심한 감점의 요인이 될 수 있으니, 에세이 작성을 마치시고 꼼꼼히 검토해주세요.
+) 단어를 외우실 때 스펠링을 집중적으로 외워주세요.
2. 템플릿에 대한 의존도가 상당히 높아 보이십니다.
이렇게 된다면 끼워맞추기 식의 글밖엔 나오지 않습니다.
지금도 thanks to her neat room, 이렇게 나오는데
상당히 어색합니다.
따라서 템플릿 사용을 지양하시고 자신만의 글로 만드시면 좋을 거 같습니다.
수고하셨습니다. *^^*