▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that children can make decisions without the help
of parents. However, in my opinion, children need parents’ help to make
decisions correctly. There are two reasons. First, they do not have good
judgement. Moreover, parents have a lot of experiences so they can lead
children to decide something reasonably.
To begin with, children cannot decide well because they do not have
good judgement. To begin with, when they have to make decisions which is are
difficult to think, children can utilize parents’ advice. It is good for next
time, as well as this time (무슨 의미인지 불분명). Also, when they decide something easy, parents’
saying advice is helpful for checking whether their thoughts are correct or not. SoTherefore,
children who are lacking in judgement have to be helped from by parents. For
example, when my younger sister was 6 years old, she said something immaturewhat she
thought. It is natural that her thoughts were too immature. At that time, my
mother told more right and reasonable answers to her. Then, on someday when she
grew up, she talked about had an her opinion which is similar with advices to that of mother gave
and her opinion was really reasonable and agreeable. This proves that children
can decide things reasonably with help of parents. (예시가 불충분한 느낌입니다. 동생이 미숙한 발언을 했고 그것을 어머니가 고쳐주셔서 나중엔 일리있는 말을 하게되었다는게 decision-making과 무슨 상관인지 모르겠어요)
On top of that, parents have so many experiences from their longer richer
life experience than children. Parents experienced a lot of various things for life so
they would have a similar experience with their children. They know which
choices are reasonable and good from wisdom through their last experiences. So they
can help their children for deciding to decide well. For example, about 2 years ago, I
had a worry about my boyfriend seriously. I do not know how to solve the
problem so I told my mother what I concerned about. Surprisingly, my mother had
similar concerns before. She gave me advices from her experience. I resolved a
conflict well by virtue of my mom. This proves that parents’ advice is really
useful for solving problems or deciding how to do.
To
sum up, children do not have reasonable judgement for deciding well, so parents
who have many experiences can give useful and correct answer keys to children
for making decisions rightly. When they decide something by themselves, it could
be wrong. Then, they are not able to have developed thoughts and be improved(이 문장 역시 불분명).
In this regard, I firmly believe that children cannot make decisions without
the help of parents.
[Score] 19-21 [Feedback] - 문장의 구조나 Topic sentence 1&2는 좋았습니다. - 다만, 기본적인 문법적 오류가 조금 있고 (단수 복수 일치/ 올바른 전치사 사용/ 정확한 명사 사용 등) 더 큰 문제는 어색한 표현이 좀 많습니다. 직독직해식으로 쓰기보단 sample writings를 많이 참고하셔서 자연스러운 문장과 표현을 사용하는 방법을 연습해보세요. - 특히, 불분명한 문장 (즉 의도를 모르겠는 문장, 무슨 뜻인지 모르겠는 문장)을 줄이도록 노력해주세요~ - 그리고 위에도 언급했듯이, 첫번째 예시의 경우 topic sentence를 적절히 뒷받침 해주지 못하는 것 같아 아쉽습니다. 수고하셨어요!
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