▶ Your Answer : Nowadays, it is vital to have ability to get along with others. There are a lot of things which is not able to cannot be overcome alone. When we join a group project, some members could criticize for my ideas (Introduction에 적합하지 않은 문장). I strongly agree with the argument that people should attain an ability to accept criticism from other members for succession in a group project. Due to my personal experiences of team project in high school, I know that it allows me to fix my mistake, and help me to change my point of view, which is important to lead the project effectivelyto correct way. To begin with, taking criticism enables me to fix the mistake. It is obvious that many small and big mistakes can could occur. When some members criticize those mistakes it, the group can finally solve it, and continue the project. It will help members try not to make any more mistakes, too. On the other hand, if the member who made a mistake doesn’t refuses to listen to criticism, conflict between members will happen occurs. They will not be able to either solve problem or resume their project. Therefore, it is essential to take proper criticism for the group. It will help all the members to get reach their goal. Thus, it is safe to argue that gain ability to accept criticism is necessary. In addition, criticism can suggest me a new viewpoint for the problem. There are some cases that each members just Sometimes, people are stuck on their own perspective to their problem. Then, it is hard to find new approach to the problem. Through the criticism from between each other, they can actually realize each others view to the topic, which might help them. I know this from my personal experiences of team project in high school. Each members except one didn’t talk much, and just hide their opinions. Every member except one student was so quiet and refused to speak out their opinions. So, they didn’t come up with new ideas for the problem we had no decent idea for our group project. After other one member started to criticize each other's opinion, they can could eventually show their personal viewpoint to the problem. It helped them to deal with this peril and finally succeed to achieve their goal. In conclusion, there are many circumstances for group which need criticism to reach their final goal. Therefore, I firmly contend that it is essential to gain ability to take criticism from other members for their success.
[Score] 19-21 [Feedback] - 예시가 아닌 topic sentence에서 I 로 지칭하지 마세요. People 이나 one 쓸 것. - 어색한 직독직해식 표현이 조금 많습니다. 수정해주시고 문법적 오류를 최대한 줄여주세요~ - 예시가 조금 더 구체적이고 명확했으면 좋겠습니다. 불필요한 문장들은 삼가주세요. 수고하셨습니다~ |