▶ Your Answer :
Recently, general
awareness on importance of cooperation has aroused a great deal. While some
people might contend that there are no benefits to work with other people
nowadays, others deem otherwise. From my perspective, I am agreement in this
statement stand for the following two reasons. The first reason is the advance
of communication devices. The second reason is from the needs to deal with the real
time events.
First of all, as the development of
science and technology, the communication devices and skills have been evidently
improved. Correspondingly, the cooperation with another people apparently became
comfortable than the past. In the past, there were not many communication
devices and skills to cooperate with another people. In contrast, modern people
almost have real time communication devices such as mobile phones and smart phones.
Into the bargain, they can acquire numerous information by watching television
or surfing the Internet. It means that People can increase the time of
communicating with another people and can surge the ability to solve the
problem with other people by using these communication devices. In a nutshell,
by using these devices, people can improve the communication with other people and are able to improve the outcomes eventually. It definitely substantiates
my opinion that working with other people is more beneficial than it was before
in these days.
On top of that, these days, the needs
of dealing with the real time events is surging persistently. As I mentioned
above, the development of information technology leads people to deal with a plethora
of information the day after day. For example, people who are engaging in
broadcasting system should cope with numerous information with other
people. However, it is apparent that these plethora of real time information cannot
be accepted by only one person simultaneously. They need to work with other
people to cope with a lot of information concurrently. Moreover, corresponding
with the real time events is adding to increase their significance to a lot of
fields such as home shopping or collecting data of people to investigate their inclination. Not only the technological changes but also the new form of social structure that requires many people to process large quantity of information obviously augments the significance of cooperation with other people.
To conclude, although this subject
will always be controversial, I believe I have accurately demonstrated my point
of view on this matter with two concrete reasons and evidence stated above. (본인의 주장을 뒷받침한 이유를 간략히 요약해주세요) In
this regard, I strongly assert that working with other people have expand the
realm of its importance in these days.
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC
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ORGANIZATION
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PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
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LANGUAGE USE
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GRAMMAR
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GOOD
|
GOOD
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FAIR-GOOD
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GOOD
|
GOOD
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각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
|
- 2nd body paragraph 속 예시 - 결론/주장 간 연결고리를 붉은색 글씨로 보충했으니 참고해주세요. |