Your
Answer :
Undoubtedly,
one's capacity plays an important role in people's lives in many of the places
where they work or play. Some people say that it is important to let a person
who is influential or will employ you in the future know your strengths and achievements
while others do not. Both sides may have their own reasons to support their
views. If I could choose one side, I would say that it is crucial to have
influential person or future employer know your advantages and what you have
achieved. There are some reasons as follows.
To
start with, if a famous person or a potential employer acknowledges what your strong points are, it can be helpful
when you find a job. If they know (about) what you are good at, they are likely
to recognize that you are a skilled person and
try to exploit those skills. Therefore, you
will have a higher chance of getting employed
(be much easier to be employed) than others who didn't give any information
about themselves to employers or an influential
person. For example, my sister has a great
presentation skill. She even won the Samsung
presentation competition and received the prize from the
CEO of Samsung. This year, she got a benefit
in her job interview in one company since the CEO of Samsung wrote a recommendation letter
to the employers. (praising her presentation skills.) The CEO was renowned in the business field, so his letter was very credible. As a result, my sister
could finally get the job she wanted. If my sister hadn't participated in that
competition and got a chance to meet the CEO, it wouldn't have been that (much)
easy to get the job she wished to have.
All things considered, I
firmly believe that it is critical to make influential person or future
employers (to) know about your strong points for
the reasons above. All in all, the importance of informing oneself
cannot be overestimated in today's job market.
Writing Score (0-30): 24 - 27
Score (0-5): 3.75 – 4.25
Grammar & Feedback: Second body paragraph가 없습니다. 중간중간 조금 긴
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